Parent-Teacher Conference

I think that one of the more overlooked milestones in one’s development as a parent is the first parent-teacher conference. For the first time, you are hearing feedback from someone who has spent significant time with your child, who is not a close relation or (necessarily) friend and who has a great deal of professional experience from which to draw upon in their assessment of your child. As much as I would like to claim that I understand Kaia as well as anyone, there are certainly aspects to his character that I just don’t see. I mean how many parents can really be objective about their own children? Anyway, yesterday was our first parent-teacher conference with Kaia’s teachers at Kids Central and it was quite memorable. Kaia stayed at home with his Auntie, preparing “food for dinner” (see photo) while we attended.

Our meeting was scheduled from 2:50pm to 3:10pm and it was required that both parents attend. My wife left work early to be there in time and I met her there after finally getting our car back from the mechanic. I thought that I had arrived early when I got there at 2:40, but indiamama was already upstairs with the other teachers and I went up to meet them. When I walked in I was a bit surprised—all six of the teachers (Sindu, Fauzi, Prithi, Asha, Raeni and Nasira) and Valli, the Director of Kids Central—were there seated around a kids’ sized table in a semi-circle, with Kaia’s mama facing them all, and next to her an open, children’s chair for me. It initially struck me like an oral examination—one of the awful academic nature—but after a few pleasantries it was clear that this was not a place that we’d be defending anything.

They had prepared two pages of notes regarding Kaia’s development and behavior over the past three months and we went down the sheet, one by one. This was their last conference after three days of meetings with parents, so they were all looking a bit haggard, but still all of them were very present and excited about passing on their stories about Kaia. While I could write a great deal about all of the things that they said about the Little Bear, I’ll summarize the main points below with, if available, a little anecdote.

Independent: This was the first thing that they told us about Kaia. According to his teachers, he is very capable in his ability to work on projects by himself and without a great deal of repeated instruction. This didn’t surprise me since he does a lot of activities at home like this (puzzles, blocks, pretend cooking, etc.). Furthermore, children at this age not yet fully aware of other children and often play in parallel universes. So, the fact that he is independent now might change significantly in the next year.

Patient and Attentive: As a part of the first point about independence, Kaia has an unusual patience and attention span for working on things that he is interested in—like puzzles, drawing, reading, etc. Generally, he will try to problem-solve multiple times (like trying different interlocking pieces in a puzzle) and not get frustrated or impatient. As well, he’s not easily distracted and can come back to activities.

Love for Learning: His teachers said that he really loves to learn about new things. This term the theme has been bugs and insects and he has really taken to it—even excitedly spotting the many cockroaches, worms and ants in our flat. I do hope that this is something that we can help to nourish so that it will last his entire life.

Advanced: His main teacher, Fauzi, laughed when she recalled how Kaia often will give her this face when she tries to engage him in an activity that may be too easy for him. She interprets this as him wanting something a bit more challenging—something like, “Why do you want me to count to ten? Don’t you know that I can do that already?” Of course, being ‘advanced’ at this age is, I think, relative to what the child has been exposed to thus far. Kaia has been counting and reading for some time, but it is because we have encouraged him to do so with us. The fact that another 2 ½ year old doesn’t count or know the alphabet is less about nature than nurture, I would say. Yet it does highlight that we will need to make sure that Kaia is consistently challenged

Off-beat: One things that Kaia’s teachers underscored, all in a positive light, is that Kaia is a very unique child for his age. Valli called him “off-beat” and was specifically talking about his quiet engagement, other odd interests—like Carnatic music (Bharatanayam).

A Pensive Observer: For those of you who know Kaia, you know that he’s been this way since Day One of his life. He watches and he listens, and many not talk at all, but this should not be misinterpreted as a lack of engagement. He takes it all in and, apparently, is the same way at Kids Central. This behavior, however, is linked to the next observation by his teachers.

Drawn to Artistic and Intellectual Pursuits: Like we have observed at home, Kaia is very drawn to artistic and intellectual pursuits. He has never been a ‘rough and tumble’, physical boy, but one who prefers to stare at things he finds interesting (like the bullock cart display at Kids Central and the pieces of straw coming out) and gently interacting with other children.

Doesn’t like being in the spotlight: Everyday, they have “circle time” when all of the children get together—about 40 in all. At this time, some will share about their fun in their lives (trips, fun things they did, etc) or simply talk about whatever is on their mind. Sometimes, teachers will ask children questions and when this comes to Kaia, he just clams up. They know that he knows how to respond (what did you do this weekend Kaia?) but he is just not yet comfortable speaking in this environment.

Process-Oriented: While some children are quick to get to the end of tasks (worksheets, for example) Kaia seems to be methodical in getting things done. They showed us the different worksheet activities that he’s done over the past three months and it was really interesting. For example, in some of the matching exercises he’s done, he is very careful not to cross the lines and will even go way around to make sure that they don’t.

Other tidbits:

• Has decided that he will not go to the bathroom at Kids Central:
• Particular activities that he enjoys: Cobra book, bug scrapbook, puzzle room.
• He has been having separation difficulties with Joyce since we told him that we were leaving India last week. Whenever she drops him off now, he cries and doesn’t want to leave her.

After the meeting, we had really wished that we had taped it for posterity sake. It was such a wonderful affirmation of our decision to send Kaia to Kids Central during our time in Chennai and it was such an important part of our lives and his development. It is emotional to think about taking him away from his “Kids C” and the terrific teachers who have truly loved and cared for him. I don’t really know what to expect when we get back to the US, but I do have some anxiety that we’ll be unable to find a place as nice as Kids Central has been…

But what to make of all this? If you’ve read this far you may think that I am the typical over-ebullient parent who pines for a ‘gifted child’. But I don’t know. It is really wonderful to hear that your child is developing well, but at the same time it poses some real challenges ahead for our parenting—will we be able to provide him with the right environment for him to flourish? Even more than this, however, is how frightening the similarities are between Kaia and indiapapa at this young age. We are not entirely the same, however (I think he laughs and is, generally, a much more gregarious personality than I ever was), but the 90/10 personality split between me and my wife certainly makes him tilt toward me. I have really mixed feelings about this because I know how difficult my childhood was at times due to my pensiveness. Yet, at the same time, I think I can help to put him in situations where he can flourish and still grow his really sweet, social side. So many challenges, this parenting thing.

Why I Love this Time: Experiences like this one that can only be truly appreciated by me and one other person.