Locked In

We had a small bit of Sunday drama this morning when Kaia locked himself in our bedroom. As I’ve learned is the case in many recently built Indian flats there are a locks and fixtures on just about anything that has a door, often times in multiple forms. Our front door, for example, has two key locks (accessed with different keys, of course), two sliding deadbolts and a turn lock. I still have not seen one person exit our front door cleanly when attempting to get out for that first time. It is quite the effort. When we moved in, we were handed this fistful of keys—probably 12-15 in total (no joke)—that opened everything from the laundry room door to the promenade drawers. Unlike how I eventually learned the many light switches and what they turn on and off, I never really got that hang of all of the keys. I suspect that, with just about everyone employing domestic help (the only person I ever met here without domestic help was my friend Sumiwati, from Indonesia, who did everything herself with a 2 year old!), people want to be able to lock things away. Regardless, to have more keys than a school janitor seems a bit excessive for a 1,800 square foot flat.

But back to our story, Kaia had just finished breakfast and had adjourned to our bedroom to have his morning poop in private. Recently, he’s been taking to closing the door to ensure full privacy while he reads his books and does his thing, but today he decided to bolt the door as well. Don’t ask me why there is a need for a deadbolt in the bedroom, but sure enough all of our rooms have, not just one, but two on each door—even the kitchen! When we figured out that he had done this, and that he couldn’t open it because of a hurt finger (he pinched it yesterday) on his right hand and a sticky bolt, all we could do was try to ‘coach’ him through the door as to how to open the bolt. I actually found the entire episode to be rather humorous (to the annoyance of indiamama and Joyce) as how could you not laugh at how this little guy had locked himself in and responded to pointers by saying, “Kaia’s locked out papa!” We have a window into our bedroom toilet that is accessible from the back deck, but it (like all of the windows in our place) has an iron grate on it. But at least we were able to see him and talk to him through the grate (Joyce passed him juice like he was in prison or something) and he just laughed and laughed at seeing us.

But after about 90 minutes it wasn’t so much fun for him (or us) anymore. Repeated attempts to walk him through the bolt moving exercise were coming up empty and we resorted to contacting the local locksmith. Since it was Sunday, the building maintenance man was on holiday and Sekar had taken leave as well. So we sat and waited for the man to come—and it was coordinated by our resident superhero, Sethu. Anyway, after about 3 hours of waiting, indiamama asked Kaia to try one more time with a big push and he was able to do it—some 30 seconds before the locksmith walked in the door with Sethu! Just amazing timing. We paid the man 150 rupees for his trouble and Kaia had a huge grin on his face. “I got out papa,” he said. “Kaia escaped!”

Why I Love this Time: Lazy Sundays, listening to the Paperman make his rounds as I settle into the Sunday Hindu.

Kali Temple

Today we visited a Kali temple about 20 minutes from our home with Joyce. It is reputed to have special powers and those who make the journey there receive whatever they pray for—provided, of course, that they live rightly and have the deep faith that their requests will be answered. We have all come to be very comfortable at Hindu temples and even understand and are able to participate in some of the rituals. Joyce has been making the trek to this temple once a month for nearly one year and really believes that whatever you pray for at this particular temple, you will get. She says that her prayers have been answered a number of times this year. I'm thankful that she's praying for us...

Why I Love this Time: In the unexpected comfort and familiarity of walking barefoot on that blazing pavement leading up to the temple, making your way past one legged beggars, emaciated children, and flower vendors, Kaia turns to me and says, “Papa, where’s the elephant?”

I Want to Stay Here

Today at breakfast, I was talking to Kaia about going ‘back’ to the US to our ‘home’. Of course, for him, having only lived there for the first 7 months of his life (versus, say, nearly a year and ½ here and over a year in Japan), while we talk about the US being home, it cannot feel that way for him. Anyway, as we have been slowly packing things up, donating old clothes and toys, he has been understandably disturbed. In this instance, I had said that he can take some of his special toys on the airplane and then the rest will get to go on a boat and meet us in Seattle. I thought that he would find this to be a fun thing, but it wasn’t received well. A sad look washed over his face and he started to sob. “I want to stay here papa. I want to stay here.” As the tears welled up in my own eyes and I realized just how much this IS his home and that in just a few days he’ll be ripped apart from it.

Why I Love this Time: Lately, he’s been asking where Joyce is during times when he knows full well that she’s a home, like in the evening. I think that he’s anticipating his separation from her…

Nitin Uncle and Muthatha Aunty

This weekend our good friends, Nitin and Muthatha came to stay with us. They had planned to meet us in Kodaikanal for a few days last week, but due to the death of the famous Kannada film star, Rajkumar, they were unable to get out of Bangalore as the entire city shut down for two days and was overcome by rioting. In South India, film stars can rise to god-like stature among the masses and it is a phenomenon that is, admittedly, difficult for me to fully understand. Throughout the south, the worlds of politics and cinema are very cozy. Sure, in the US Ronald Reagan became President and Arnold Schwartzeneggar became the Governor of California, but there is nothing close to the something like the M.G. Ramachandran (MGR) phenomenon. Anyway, this weekend they were able to get out of the city and join us for a really nice time.

One of the things that we did was venture down to Dakshina Chitra, a reproduction of traditional south Indian rural community living that, functionally is a bit like going to Plymouth Plantation except here they have fortune telling parrots and tender coconut water for sale. It is a really nice place to come with Kaia as he can roam around and they maintain the grounds well so there’s no concern about stray dogs or other critters.

Kaia really took to Nitin and was very sad to see him leave (as were we all, and sad to see Muthatha Aunty too!). We are looking forward to having them come stay with us in Seattle when Muthatha returns to the University of Washington to complete her Ph.D.

Why I Love this Time: The other day we were driving on a side street and Kaia saw an older man wearing a white dhoti and walking with a cane. Immediately he said, “papa, its Gandhi!” We all burst out in laughter and it further proved to me that this little guy has indeed become an Indian.

Feeling Much Better

We’re all doing much better and Kaia is responding very well to the medicines. Outside of making sure that he takes his stuff at the right time of day, I haven’t been doing a whole lot. I had expected to be gone this week and next, so I had prepared accordingly…this has meant that there isn’t much to work on here and, mentally, I am still very much in vacation mode. Indiamama has been making up for lost time with her shopping and slowly coming back to life, which is great to see.

Why I Love this Time: “Killing Summer” at the Fruit Shop on Greams Road in Besant Nagar.

Stomach Infection

Well, when you’re still puking four days after a supposed bout with motion sickness, it is something more severe. Last night (Monday) Kaia started coughing just after he’d fallen asleep and then puked up another large quantity of goo. This was made all the more worse by an outbreak of hives all over his body that was (as hives can truly be) very disturbing to look at. We took him to the doctor’s today and it seems like he’s got a stomach virus. In some ways, I’m actually happy that this is what it is as it can be cured whereas acute motion sickness cannot so much. Of course, he is likely susceptible to becoming ill in challenging driving and boating situations, but he’ll be OK, I think. So, while we ended up canceling our trip based on a wrong diagnosis, the fact that he’s got a stomach virus, affirms that there was no way we could have traveled. So, it is five days of an awfully bitter antibiotic, accompanied by an anti-nausea, an antihistamine, zinc and a ‘good’ bacteria powder to help with the, oh yeah I forgot to mention, diarrhea. Hey, it could be worse—we could be in Darjeeling, cold and stressed as Kaia continues vomiting and we desperately search for a doctor…did I say how much I love being in Chennai right now, 100 degree heat and all?

Why I Love this Time: Being home for an illness, as being away, there’s nothing worse.

Precision Vomiting

So we got back early Saturday and still today (Sunday night) Kaia is sick. He seemed fine all day, playing and generally being himself, but tonight at dinner with Auntie Kate at Eden, when the spaghetti came, he neatly vomited up all the day’s food, right onto the plate. While it was, again, very sad there was a tinge of humor to it as it vomit was very controlled and neat and settled right to the side of spaghetti. It could certainly have passed for a side dish. I cleaned him up a bit and, since I’d forgotten to pack a change of shirt (really all the extras were used up on the car ride down the mountain) we had to walk to a nearby children’s store and buy a new outfit. While the clerks there were convinced that Kaia was not close to 3, but in fact 4 or older, they adamantly told me that nothing there would fit him. Having lived here long enough to know that you never take things for face value (and not wanting him to continue to wear his lunch), I pushed to see their largest outfits. Of course, they fit just fine and it was almost as if I was forcing them to sell to me! Such is Indian customer service from time to time.

Why I Love this Time: The story behind the new ‘kite shirt’.

Kodaikanal: Day Six

Well, the last day and the trip down the mountain wasn’t quite what we were hoping for. Around 4:00pm it started to pour down rain and we left the hotel at 5:00 to be sure to catch the 9:30pm train back to Chennai. After only five minutes in the car (this time a big SUV, Toyota Qualis) Kaia started complaining about being sick and his mouth hurting. I thought that he was just being a bit fussy because he didn’t have a nap, but minutes later I discovered that he was being serious. Very serious. All the food from the day—mostly rice—came out, onto him and me. However, this time, it was not a little bile, but large volumes. We pulled the car over and he then puked twice more—projectile vomiting, which is amazing for a 2 year old—as the rain poured down on both of us. I don’t think that I have ever seen him so sad as this moment—vomit all over his front, out his nose, dripping off his chin, sobbing and bracing himself for more.

We kept it all together (surprisingly) while the rain kept falling and car sped by, got him dressed and re-started our descent. It was not a pleasant drive down for any of us. Kaia vomited about every 10 minutes and cried the entire 3 hours. We drove slowly, but the 15^th hairpin turn in a row is painful no matter the speed. When he kept saying, “I want to go home, I want to go home”, it was becoming clear that to take our next trip (scheduled to depart on Monday, April 17^th) to the mountainous areas of Darjeeling, Sikkim and Kalimpong would be bordering on child abuse. The roads up there would be equally as windy and we’d be much further from home than 6 hours by train. By the time we had gotten to the train station and Kaia was sleeping in the car as we waited for the train, indiamama and I, covered in vomit and longing for the comforts of home, decided that the next trip would have to be canceled. It was very disappointing, because we were all looking forward to going up there and really experiencing a different part of India, but it was just not possible. Traveling with kids is not like the old backpacking days where you could go wherever you wanted on a whim. By the time that we arrived home at 6:30am, I had realized just how much Chennai and this place has become our home. It felt so good for all of us to be back. So while the next three weeks wont be out of Chennai, it will be a time for us to all relax here in the home that will soon no longer be that.

The photos below don’t really relate to this posting, but are of a bit more happy times before we went down the hill…visiting the local temple, listening to our new iPod, etc…

Why I Love this Time: That decisions like this one are not difficult at all.

Kodaikanal: Days Four and Five

Well, one disappointment here in Kodai has been the food—really awful. This was punctuated by indiamama eating some bad birinjal (eggplant) masala and spending the past two days vomiting up everything except for her internal organs. Prior to her illness, we did have a nice time walking around the town. Indiamama got a mehendi and we all enjoyed a horse ride along the lake and through the forest. Kaia’s horse was name Baba and, by the end of the ride, he was sleeping.

Why I Love this Time: While indiamama suffered in sickness at home, Kaia and I went out for a drive to hit all of the tourist spots. Of course, he was most interested in stopping to see the various road construction going on. Anyway, a monkey nearly attacked us trying to get Kaia’s apple juice (who doesn’t go crazy for sugar?) and while I was a bit concerned, Kaia couldn’t stop laughing.

Kodaikanal: Day Three

Another beautiful day of weather and relaxation. We rented a peddleboat and took it out on the lake as a family in the morning. Like the silly tourists we are, we all got burned by the son, me more than Kaia or indiamama. My entire bald scalp seemed like it was under a magnifying glass and a few days later all the skin would peel off—how’s that for scalp cleansing! We were a but apprehensive about taking Kaia on the lake without a proper lifejacket, but the little boat did have a life preserver and we tied Kaia to his mother so that he wouldn’t fall out. While doing this in the US would be seen as highly irresponsible and bordering on criminal, here it is odd, if not excessive. I doubt that the number of drownings is very different from there to here, but certainly the cultural attitudes make for an interesting study.

Today was also the first day (I think) celebrating Tamil New Year (which is on Friday). In commemoration, there was a large procession packing the streets with pilgrims carrying peacock feathers, horns, drums and cymbals, and a rather curious and disturbing sight of a man swinging on top of a cart, suspended by dozens of large hooks, fixed to his skin. Words cannot describe it properly, so just check out the photos.

Why I Love this Time: While pestering the geese, one attacked Kaia and went for his toes. Watching Kaia laugh and scurry away was so funny that I actually encouraged him to go over to the goose again.

Kodaikanal: Day Two

After waking up from his morning recovery nap, Kaia was feeling much better. We had a little breakfast and then headed out to enjoy the amazing weather—70 degrees, no humidity and only a trace of dust to tickle the lungs. The hotel has domestic birds (turkeys, ducks, geese) roaming the grounds, apparently for the very reason that we enjoyed them—for small children to chase and generally harass. They also have a nice grassy playground area with a slide and swing set, and with the weather being so perfect, it was very enjoyable to be out together.

In the afternoon we made our way down to the lake and did some ‘stall shopping’ and noticed the large number of Tibetan vendors. We bought a yak wool shawl from one kindly man who looked a lot like a old-school Japanese artisan and Kaia made friends with the different vendors who just couldn’t accept that I was from the US and not China or Japan. For many, it seemed like they were actually disappointed!

Why I Love this Time: Many of the slides here are made with concrete and very steep, therefore, kids can slide down at warp speeds. I don’t think that Kaia will be able to find comparable slides in the US, so it is really funny to watch him bolt down these slides with equal parts fear and bliss.

Kodaikanal: Day One

After well over a year without a proper family vacation, we headed off to visit the hill station, Kodaikanal. At 7,000 feet above sea level, Kodai is a popular refuge for many classes of Indians in Tamil Nadu who are looking to escape the brutal heat and humidity of summer and we’d been wanting to visit there for sometime, particularly now since the temperature is rising every day. While there are a few different ways and combinations to get to Kodai, but it was the overnight train combined with the 2.5 hour car ride up the mountain that we were most interested. Or, more accurately, that we knew that Kaia would be most interested in.

We arrived at Chennai’s Egmore station at around 9:00pm and made our way through the masses of people and cargo to find our lavish “first class, AC sleeper car”. Traveling with Kaia has certainly changed our standards and this is a great example of this. Whereas we used to (enjoy) traveling on 2^nd or 3^rd class, non-AC, mostly for the folks that we would get to meet and talk with, the thought of trying to put him down, hoping he gets some rest for a 5:15am wake up at the Kodai station (where there is a 3-5 minute stop only!) is hard to rationalize as being a positive experience. In this way, it is clear that traveling with a small child, while opening up a new world of experience can also close off a number of worlds. It really just is an entirely different trip.

Kaia, expectedly, was very excited to ride the train. I don’t think that he was able to understand that we were going to actually sleep in the train until we got into the berth and we could see the bed sheets and pillows waiting for us. It was really cute to see him so excited and, even though it was nighttime, he was purposefully looking out the window and identifying all the various vehicles and train accessories that we passed by. As he become more aware that we were on this train for the entire night, he was filled with joy—laughing and singing and just so charged up. Of course, as the clock neared 10:00pm, this isn’t such a great thing as a parent who wants to get some sleep!

Early the next morning we were up at 4:45am, terrified that we’d miss our station. Of course, the car attendant assured us that he’d wake us up 15 minutes before then, but we know better than to depend on his word. So we woke up early and when he DID come by our car 15 minutes beforehand, he was actually upset with us! Of course, the next station was not our station and we had to wait another 15 minutes for the right station to emerge, but at least we got there!

Waiting for us at the Kodai Junction station was John, the taxi driver. Our friend Rehka, who attended the Kodai International School, arranged for him to be there and drive us up. The travel agent in Chennai wanted Rs.2,800 to set it up but Rehka was able to get us the normal rate of Rs.850. It certainly pays to shop around. The car was a small Tata Indica and while we were all still groggy from the early morning wakeup, the valley was still cool and the rise up the mountain brought the kind of clean, fresh air that one cannot find much of in Chennai. It was really nice. Coming up the mountain we spotted monkeys, groups of pilgrims, speeding busses (even on these winding mountain roads) and, most presciently, folks’ losing their lunch. About halfway up the mountain Kaia started complaining about feeling sick. He said that his “mouth hurt” and his “tummy was ouchy” and then proceeded to throw up, just a bit, on his shirt. We pulled over to change him and them put him in the front seat with me. Sitting in front is supposed to help you focus on an object and calm your equilibrium. But focus on what? The speeding Technicolor busses coming at you head on with each hairpin turn? The throngs of people pushing you out into the other lane on a blind turn? The scurrying monkeys and languishing cows? Yeah, there’s plenty of ways to calm the self. By the time we arrived at our hotel, the sun was out, the birds were singing, and we were so relieved to have finally arrived. We all retreated to the room and took a morning nap.

Why I Love this Time: Drinking tender coconut at a rest stop.

indiamama's last day

Well, after months of protracted agony and innumerable ups and downs, the day has finally come where all of us can officially say that indiamama is done with work. For those of you who know about the work situation, it has been full of challenges that have pushed all of us to the brink of madness from time to time. To know that it is over is a very comforting feeling. I expect that the transition back to being a full family again will have its bumps in the road, but it is very much preferable to the way that things have been for the past 15 months. Of course, life has been far from awful living here in this remarkable place, and we all respond to life challenges and grow accordingly. I suspect that it will take some time for all of us to process just how challenging her work was for us and what kind of a strain it put on our family, but for now it is time to celebrate the completion of this phase of life. Now it is onward to a long vacation and some great travel plans across India, Asia, Hawaii and California!

Why I Love this Time: Witnessing the respect and appreciation for indiamama from her staff and peers.

Studio K Redux

We had such a great time at our first Studio K photo shoot that we decided to come back for Kaia to have his own professional sitting. The folks there are really patient and the quality of their work is very good, so with the price being about $60 (including 8 8x10 shots and a photo CD) you can’t beat it. I was really hoping to capture the “Indian Kaia” and I think that they did a really wonderful job of doing so. We brought a few of his toys, and these are in the shots, and it was my idea to have him go chasing bubbles. I think it all worked out really well. Kaia was a real pro in the makeup chair—sitting there for nearly 20 minutes while they prepped and dusted him with all kinds of hues and sprays.

Why I Love this Time: The ankle bells (see photos).

A New Indiapapa

About a month ago, the first of indiamama’s replacements (there are two), Michele, came to Chennai to start her work on the project. Accompanying her were her husband Ziyad and two daughters, Nadia (3) and Zayna (1). Ziyad had been working as a public defender in Boston a number of years and decided to go on-leave to support his wife and take up the mantle of full-time papa for the next year and a half. They’ve moved in across the street from us and Kaia and I couldn’t be more pleased to have new friends to join us in this experience here. We’ll miss them once we move on, but are glad that we’ve had these couple of months to get to know each other.

Why I Love this Time: New friends sharing similar challenges.

Final Performance

Today was the big day, Kaia’s End of the Year performance at Kids Central. The children had been practicing for about two weeks and Kaia was a frog. Indiamama had sewn him some frog flippers and we bought him a nice lime green shirt and shorts to match the headpiece that was given to us by the school. While there were some practice that we needed to do with his jumping beforehand, he knew the songs and seemed excited for the performance.

We got there early and, like many of the other first-time parents, were jockeying for a front row seat with still and video cameras in tow. Of course, as the more experienced parents know, the front row isn’t the best place to videotape. Anyway, the theme was “creepy crawlies” and at 9:45 am the procession made its way out—bees, spiders, snakes, cockroaches, ladybugs and, of course, frogs. Maybe it was because it was my first experience with this kind of performance, but man, these kids were CUTE! Kaia took his place on his ‘cross’ and the show began.

Within each group of creepy crawlies, there were four to five children, and each group had its own song. For the frogs, it was sung to the tune of Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star and the lyrics (as taught to me by Kaia) were:

Little green frog likes to hop,
Hoppin and hoppin and hoppin and hop.
Hop here, hop there, hop hop everywhere,
Hopping and hopping and a hop, hop, stop.

So, when it came to the four frogs, they were supposed to get into the frog squat and then hop their way to the center of the stage where they would all sing their song. Kaia made it to the squat position, but that was it. From that point on he froze. Of course, the other three kids moved with varying degrees of accuracy and one of the other children just decided to walk to the middle. It took Kaia’s teacher picking him up and simulating hopping to the middle of the stage to get him to move.

Yet, getting him there really didn’t make a difference. It just meant that he went from being frozen on the periphery to being frozen in the middle. Again, Valli came in and moved him around with the parts of the song and the entire time he had the same Kaia-face that he gets when he’s not quite sure how to process all that’s going on.

I had predicted to indiamama that this would happen as Kaia does not like to be put on the spot in a large group. He can be so outgoing in situations where he understands the setting, but for these kinds of circumstances where there are 70+ clapping parents, it is predictable that he would clam up. For me it was not so painful to watch, and I was laughing the entire time (he didn’t look pained himself) as it was so cute to see him frozen there in a squat.

After all of the children did their little performance, it was time for graduation—for children who are either moving on to elementary school or moving away from the area. Kaia fits into the latter and this was a great opportunity for him (and me) to have some closure on this really great, formidable experience. Kaia was given a sash, graduation certificate and sweet poster with the handprints of all of the children and a poem and photo, for him to remember Kids Central by. I know that he is probably too young, but I would like to think that his time at Kids C has really helped him to be challenged and grow. It makes me a bit sick to think about finding a new school and safe place for him to grow in the US—but I know that we can find it. Kids C has been one of the saviors for us here and I will never forget it.

Why I Love this Time: That it is all on videotape.