The Wedding Reception

Last month, as avid readers of this weblog will recall, we hired a new driver named Sekar (pronounced SHECK-ar) from a family who was leaving India. It was terrific fortune for us to find him at that time, and he has been a wonderful addition to our extended family here in India. Kaia fell in love with him from day one and looks forward to his return each morning. Today, Sekar Uncle (in Tamil you say it like this, as you would in Japanese), held his wedding reception in preparation for a 4:30am wedding today. This was the first wedding event that we had attended in this country, and it was an unforgettable event for all of us.

I had been looking forward to this event for some time and in preparation purchased the appropriate clothing—a white dhoti with fancy trim—which I coupled with a blue kurta that I already had. For Kaia, I didn’t have anything special or fancy and even had I purchased something for the occasion, I knew, with his current peculiarities that he wouldn’t agree to wear it anyway. So, I let him choose his best clothes, and surprise, surprise—surfer wear was the outfit of choice.

We arrived at the event about 15 minutes late, but expectedly, there were few people there at the appointed 7:00pm start time. In this country, at least in Tamil Nadu, timings are a very fluid concept, in fact they couldn’t be more different than the fascist punctuality one finds in Japan. Anyway, we were greeted with a few shakes of rosewater to our heads for purification and entered the dining hall where about 20 people were waiting.

While I can only speak from my own experience, Indian people are some of the most friendly and welcoming people that I have ever met. On so many other occasions, in places like the US, I have felt uncomfortable in situations like this—coming to an event where I did not know anyone—and little has been done to ease my anxiety once I got there. But in this case, the dozens of smiles and head bobbles, not to mention the friendly folks showing you to a seat, made us feel at ease from the very first moment. Kaia, of course, was wisked away by doting relatives of the groom and spoiled in a way that only Indians know how. What a lucky guy.

In the wedding hall, on the 3^rd floor, the area had already been prepared with folding chairs and glittering streamers and, most importantly I would imagine, the red ‘thrones’ on the front stage, under the watchful illustrations of Ganesh (for domestic harmony and success), Lakshmi (for wealth and beauty), and Saraswathi (for wisdom and learning) where the bride and groom are to sit. I don’t know if it was a sacrilege for Kaia to be up there playing around, but all the folks who were there didn’t seem to mind!

After some time, we had the reception feast which was, accordingly, a thali meal served on a fresh banana leaf. Terrific food and just another reminder of the fun of eating a thali with all of the men walking around with stainless steel buckets, ladling extra helpings of this coconut chutney and that potato masala dish onto your leaf…

The bride was actually quite late in coming to the event, perhaps due to the fact that she was coming from a rural village some 2-3 hours away by vehicle. When she finally did roll up, it wasn’t in a white stretch SUV limo as is so popular in the USA, but in a large moving truck with about 50 of her closet relatives! It was quite a sight to see as all of the folks unloaded themselves, and what seemed to be most of her things (suitcase, boxes, etc.) and earthenware pots filled with, presumably, grains and (maybe) oils as a part of the dowry (which apparently has been outlawed in India since the early 1960s).

What will really stick with me, however, more than the chains of brilliant gold and the elaborate sari and headwear, is the terrified look on her face as she stood there, waiting to approach the wedding hall. She was surrounded by about 10 other women, appearing to be mostly in their teens and 20s, and while they were all talking and laughing, she was a visage of stone. Still now I am haunted by that look—what was she thinking? How would this person whom she had only met one time treat her? What will be on the other side of this landmark? As my wife has said many times during our time in India, “people here live with faith”, and I guess this explains things as much as anything. I do know that she is marrying into a very good family, filled with kind people, so, in time, she will settle into a good situation for herself. However, I cannot imagine what she must be feeling now. Sekar too has been very nervous lately—as if just getting married alone wasn’t enough!

I had wanted very badly to attend the early morning wedding, but alas it would not be possibly with Kaia’s sleeping schedule. In any event, we will never forget out first India wedding celebration.

Why I Love this Time: The face that turns from whatever emotion to serious when posed to give a big, slobbery, open mouthed kiss.