indiapapa

indiapapa: the last

2006-07-06T10:58:00.001+05:30

Perhaps I have been hesitating to write the ‘last’ entry for this weblog because I don’t want to accept that this experience is over. Perhaps it is because I am often overtaken by the waves of sadness that often accompany re-entry. Perhaps it is just that I am lazy. Whatever it is, however, I seem to have overcome it as here I am, pecking away at the last words of indiapapa. Of course, humor is on the horizon when our storage container from India arrives and we have to fit all of these things in our 1,100 sq foot apartment that already has all the things we stored three years ago! I suspect that a postscript will come out of that.

First of all, and most importantly, little Kaia appears to have moved beyond his short bout with transition overload that we experienced soon after his touching down in the Seattle area (it was also accompanied by a high fever and odd rash). For about a week he was inconsolable, prone to fits and generally unhappy. This, of course as loyal readers know, is very unusual behavior for this generally chipper fellow. For the first time I witnessed him ‘regressing’: crawling on all fours, only wanting to be carried, hiding in corners and dark places, it was all very interesting (although mostly difficult) to witness. Being that indiamama and I have already shifted our roles, with me going to work 4-5 days a week and her with Kaia full-time, it was very hard to come home and find him so upset. Over the past two months, he’s been in so many different environments, with so many different people, perhaps now that we had arrived in a place that we were telling him would be our ‘new home’, it was all too much to take.

But he’s doing better now. The other day we were on the ferry that goes to and from Seattle from Bainbridge Island and we were looking out at another island where our friend “Auntie Kate” lives. The conversation between Kaia and I went something like this:

indiapapa: Kaia, there’s Vashon Island, where Auntie Kate lives. Do you remember the last time we saw her? Where were we?

Kaia: (short pause) In India, at Kaia’s home in India…Papa, I miss India. It makes me sad.

ip: oh, I miss India too. Do you miss other parts about India?

Kaia: Yes, I miss my things too. And Joycee and Uncle Sekar.

ip: (becoming a tad emotional) Well, our things will be coming in a few weeks. And we can call Joyce at anytime to say hello to her. I know that she misses you too.

Kaia: (pause) Hey look! There’s a digger!

I am still not 100% sure about the community where we have moved and if it will be a place that we stay. Unfortunately homes and property on the island have become very expensive and this, along with what kinds of people follow and are transformed by such affluence (I gr ew up in a place that was transformed in the same way that I see Bainbridge undergoing) have me very leery. I really love many of the things that we have done and have access to in our life here, but being a small community (24,000), on an island, you really have to think about the way that the community might change and if it is something that you want to be invested in. I hope that there will be people who can understand the kinds of experiences that we’ve had as a family and as parents (“India, so what was THAT like?!?”). One of the things I’ve realized in coming back after (only) 3 years, is how much I have changed. Going through our stuff that was in storage was a good exercise in reflection. So is meeting other parents of 3 year old kids, particularly fathers. As readers of this weblog know, my pathways through fatherhood have been unconventional and open. Needless to say, many American fathers do not share the same experiences. This can be very isolating. So here I am, searching for a community and hoping that it will be on Bainbridge. Indiamama has jumped right in and already found Japanese with small children, so with each day she gets more and more hooked on the idea of being here.

These days are filled with alternating currents of happiness and anxiety. Happy at the infectious, long Northwest summer days and the way that Kaia and indiamama are reforging their deep bonds, and anxious at about just about everything else. It has made writing very challenging as I find that my mind wanders around aimlessly quite a bit and my overall motivation is lacking. It isn’t that I don’t want to work and finish up tasks, quite the opposite, but sometimes with these kinds of transitions—not only with living space and work, but also role as caregiver, it is hard to move forward without a set back here and there.

So I guess that’s it for now. I have really enjoyed writing this weblog and I hope that it has provided some of you with a bit of entertainment over the past few years. After this dissertation shakes down (or ‘off’ might be the better way to put it) I would like to continue writing about parenthood so, if you’re interested, please check back at indiapapa and there will certainly be a link.

Be well and love those little ones.

indiapapa

Nearing an End

2006-06-10T06:25:00.000+05:30

Well, some 18 months or so ago, we started here. I wasn’t sure if I would be able to keep it up on a regular basis, and certainly unsure about how our experience would end up being there in Southern India. It has been nearly a month since we left India and I’ve had a lot of time to reflect upon many of the things that we were able to do, people we met, challenges we faced, and ways we all grew. As anyone who has read this weblog regularly knows, it was not an easy time living in Chennai. Indiamama’s workload bordered on inhumane and it put a serious strain on many aspects of our life. While the terms under which we agreed to come were very different than the reality, I don’t think that we would have changed our decision to move to India. I have plenty of things to say about indiamama’s work, and have intentionally refrained from discussing them in this weblog unless they directly pertain to parenting Kaia. Therefore, I’m not going to start now—if you would like to hear more, you are more than welcome to email me! But back to more important matters: life and the return.

If you joined along for most of the ride, you were privy to Kaia’s amazing growth as a human being--His school, his art, his food, those he loves, his beach, his bath, and his home. You were also able to peer into my many fears, failures, joys and highs as a full-time father in an unfamiliar place. Admittedly, the quality of writing lagged far behind what I was hoping would continue in early entries, and I often let photos speak for me (I originally had planned to make this a text-only weblog, forcing me to be more rich with my descriptions), but in the end I think I accomplished what I set out to do. Back in February of 2005, when I decided to start this journal, I set out the following ‘ground rules’ for myself:

Entries should only focus on being a full-time father and reflections on experiences with Kaia;
Reflections should start with the mundane in an practice of finding wonder in the ordinary;
Provide a male perspective on parenting that is rarely heard in the female dominated discourse on raising children;
Focus on issues that are either unique to being a parent or that are exaggerated when you become one (e.g. safety, health/medical care, child development, cultural interaction, etc.);
Try to always situate the mundane within the cultural context, trying as much as possible to weave in nuanced illustrations that offer some comparison or point of reference between Japan and/or the United States;
As India is something that grips all your senses, attempt to communicate through what Kaia and I see, hear, touch, smell and taste.

While I am tempted to conduct an evaluation of my efforts, I’ll just leave it be as I sure that this is something that will only truly come clear with the luxury of time and more reflection.

So where am I at now? I miss India but I am no so sure that I miss our life circumstance there. It has taken just until recently for indiamama to recover the 15% of body weight that she lost, lose the general obsession with work (nightmares, cold sweats, etc.), and re-connect with me and Kaia. Since her last day of work was April 8^th, this was truly a long time. I had never seen someone so mentally, physically and spiritually drained. It is great to see her back again.

I am also filled with anxiety about Joyce and her current situation. She started working for our friends a week after we left, but as you know, life has not been so kind to her recently. In the few times that we have spoken to her, she has said that she wants to kill herself and seems very serious. It weighs very heavy to know that someone so close to us is suffering like she is—both in her home and with our loss. I feel helpless and it has really been dominating my thoughts recently. Just the other day, she told our friends that she cannot work for them anymore and will be quitting at the end of June. She had mentioned to me when I spoke with her over the past weekend, that she wanted to finish working this month, and then die. According to her, her husband was actually encouraging her to do so. I’m just sick about the entire thing.

So this has colored a rather grey hue over my own re-entry to American society and life. When people ask, “does it feel good to be back?” I can unequivocally say “yes”, particular in how smoothly the entire domestic admin process has gone (it was more difficult six years ago to move from Davis, CA to Seattle, WA!). The fact that we have been managing all of our finances and accounts online for the past 3 years, makes the switch no more than a change of address, and at that, most of our statements are delivered electronically, without a hard copy. As well, with Skype and other forms of online communication (can you say 206 number in India—thanks Vonage!), we feel very close to many of our friends and family here. Of course, I already am seriously jonesing for a masala dosai…maybe on the drive up.

Why I Love this Time: To be able to visit with so many friends and family members is very rare at this age, I feel truly blessed about where the last three years have taken us…I would have never guessed it would be like this.

Last Leg

2006-06-09T05:32:00.000+05:30

In a few days, we leave for the last leg of our transition back to Seattle. We have been in Laguna Beach for two weeks and it has been yet another opportunity to reflect upon the intense experience that we’ve had over the past 18 months. Reentry takes all kinds of forms and is very individualized, especially for our family. Being Japanese, indiamama really isn’t experiencing any ‘shock’ and while she is able to see things in a very different light, they are not accompanied by some of the same comforts and dislikes that I might feel being back in the US. There is a lot of anxiety that goes into major transitions like this, particularly when they involve being away from ‘home’ for nearly three years. I have to remind myself that I am not only re-entering from India, but from living in Japan as well. It has been such a unique time, the past 2 ½ years, and I have so many great memories of spending time with Kaia. I can remember in the final weeks in Japan, when things were very uncertain and the next steps were very divergent, going with Kaia to one of our favorite places to soak and run around—Epinard onsen. As I ran around with him in the large hallways and soaked in the hot baths, I can remember feeling these deep pangs of joy and loss—typical of what accompanies such departures. It was not just that we would soon be having to leave Japan, but also that this small boy was growing so quickly and these types of experiences would end soon. I have often told people that I first experienced this emotion on the 3^rd or 4^th day after Kaia’s birth—I was so filled with joy, but at the same time it was tempered by grief and loss.

So, the road to our ‘final’ destination starts soon. We will have the chance to see friends and family along the way, which is nice—especially for Kaia. I will submit my final entry to indiapap soon after we get to our new home in Bainbridge Island and I have a chance to reflect on the whole experience. For those of you who have followed along this far, thanks for reading and sending me your encouragement and comments. You too are close to the end of this journey. Thanks for coming along.

Why I Love this Time: Such anxiety disciplines you to breathe and focus on the now….not that that is so easy.

Laguna Beach

2006-06-08T21:59:00.000+05:30

We've been transitioning through Kaia's grandparents' home in Laguna Beach since leaving Hawai'i and Kaia has been really flourishing. I was a bit concerned that the trauma of leaving India and the subsequent long trip back to some form of normalcy would really harm the guy, even stunt his development perhaps, but it seems that the opposite has been true. His vocabulary and communication skills have really taken off and I have been impressed by his social skills and ability to adapt quickly to new people and environments. We still talk about India quite often and, if asked, he'll say that India is his 'home', but he has really been able to enjoy where he is at. Perhaps it is all of the family member that he now has and can enjoy--he actually had his 3rd birthday cake (photo below) in a pool celebration with many of his 2nd cousins. He has also been able to see his great-grandmother, who is very near to passing away and the gravesite of his recently deceased great-grandfather. Making up for lost time with his grandparents, Kaia has also visited the San Diego Wild Animal Park and Disneyland, not to mention having his teeth cleaned for the first time by his Uncle Kevin!

Hawai'i

2006-05-28T21:20:00.000+05:30

With indiamama's lingering ear infection and our intense jetlag (19 hour difference behind Japan) our time in Hawai'i was more about recovery than anything else. Kaia's transition was eased tremendouly by the arrival of his grandparents and aunties and uncle. With Thailand and Japan on preceeding it and Southern California to follow, the two weeks in Hawai'i were a bit of blur. Yet, we still had a great time.

Kaia's 3rd Birthday

2006-05-21T23:29:00.000+05:30

Today Kaia turned three here in Waikoloa, Hawai'i. It was a very special day filled with family, food, gifts and a nice visit to the beach. While it wasn't like our first birthday celebration, it was a birthday that we wont forget. Like last year, my life has become framed by the progession of this little guy more than my own annual turning of the page. Happy birthday Kaia!

Why I Love this Time: Three years of infectious laughing, the sweetest kisses, and softening of the heart.

Thinking of Friends

2006-05-13T16:02:00.000+05:30

We placed calls to Joyce, Sekar and Sethu this evening and they’re not doing very well. The day after we left, Sethu came down with severe kidney stones and had to be hospitalized. On Tuesday night, Joyce’s husband beat her terribly and she ended up getting stitches on her head—why? Because he is an evil prick who is just interested in building his case for a deeper place in hell. When we spoke to her she was sobbing and repeatedly saying how she was going to kill herself—and her children as she didn’t want to leave them to him—it was not a fun conversation. Fortunately, thanks to Skype we were able to call her cell phone at an absurdly low rate and we’ll be calling her regularly until it seems like things improve. Although, I am not optimistic that they will…I’m very worried for her and what the future will bring. She is, as indiamama pointed out, like many women in India, very vulnerable: no identification, everything through her husband, little savings, and powerless in the face of cultural norms around domestic violence and paternalism.

Japan and India

2006-05-12T16:00:00.000+05:30

Let’s make this clear: in many ways, Japan and India could not be any more different. I could swear that I could see about the same number of people in a block in Chennai as I did looking out the window riding 100km on a train in Japan! No joke. As well, while you are immediately gripped by the intensity of India—the smells, colors, poverty—the moment you walk out of the airport, here in Japan things are much more muted, bland, and subtle. Here people avert their eyes when you walk in public places and many seem to be lost in thought, oblivious to their surroundings, while in India you might have someone staring at you for minutes. Attention for Kaia? Forget it. Here he’s just another black haired kid, and it isn’t as if Japanese are as outgoing with strangers as Indians.

One result of the move has been Kaia’s constipation, which has resulted in a lack of poop that is now extended to three countries, and four international time zones. Packed into those little bowels are dosai, pad thai, sushi and a few different varieties of indica and japonica rice. The movement watch will continue…

Against, my better judgment, we’ve been staying at indiamama’s parents home since yesterday. Kaia has been enjoying himself and I’ve decided that I will not get in the way of his relationship with his grandparents. The reason that I am so opposed to being here is that whenever we do, indiamama gets sick—really sick. It is like her connection to family and this place is toxic, it literally poisons her. Sure enough, she’s contracted another illness that Kaia and I did not have (high fever) and we’ll be lucky to leave on time. It is so damn predictable—Day One is OK, Day Two she starts to feel worse, and by Day Three she’s spending most of the time on the futon while I lounge around watching Japanese TV and using the internet. This is partly why I have imposed a 2 day limit on these kinds of visits, but as this visit demonstrates, it cannot be avoided. Mind you, this is a woman who NEVER missed a day of work while working in an tuberculosis, HIV/AIDS hospital in India where the sanitary conditions are just north of horrific and worked under tremendous mental and physical stress. Whatever the atomic weight of family is, it must be tremendous.

Why I Love this Time: Tonight’s dinner of sashimi, sushi, and various crustaceans grilled over a charcoal pot on our table.

Onsen

2006-05-11T15:37:00.000+05:30

The Japanese know how to relax. What you say? The Japanese?!? Well, for all that is made in the international media about the excess of the Japanese worker (and now Americans work more hours than the Japanese), the flip side is the great beer and sake, amazing food, and the onsen resort. I have been all over the world and I don’t think that anything comes close to a Japanese onsen where you can soak your cares away in the steaming hot spring baths and have the most (for my money) tasty and elaborate meals prepared and brought to your room. We arrived here weary and exhausted from the emotion of leaving Chennai and are leaving refreshed, CLEAN, and reflective. As well, the hot steam and soak helped to push along Kaia’s recovery and any lingering cold that I had seems to be gone.

Why I Love this Time: As he squats in the hot rotenburo (outdoor bath) with a huge smile on his face, “Papa, Kaia loves onsen!”

Tadaima!

2006-05-10T15:15:00.000+05:30

For as much as Chennai has become our home, I am reminded that we came to India after living in Japan for over one year. During that time, this country really became familiar to me (as someone told me before leaving the US for Japan, traveling in a place and living in a place are two completely different things) and it feels like home. Of course, indiamama and Kaia and both Japanese citizens, but as is the case with many Nikkei, finding familiarity with Japan was not a given for me. I had been to Japan probably five or six times on trips varying from two weeks to six months, but 2004-2005 was really a different experience for me. Coming with a child, having to negotiate things like bank accounts and health insurance, opening domestic accounts, driving a car—all done in a foreign language and all things that force you to move deeper into the day-to-day that (for me) is the most interesting thing about being in a place different than the culture in which you grew up.

Coming through Japan was a really great idea. Not as a bracket to make the India experience parenthetical (how could the subcontinent EVER be that), but as a reminder of how our notion of home has been permanently expanded. It is kind of odd to think that, for Kaia, there are many more comfortable places that he can call home than the US. He was here for a significant part of his development—here he started to talk and walk—and there are some activities which are certainly embedded in his persona already: taking a Japanese bath and onsen, eating onigiri (Japanese rice balls), and the Tomica (see photo).

We arrived in Narita extremely tired, but feeling good to be in very familiar territory. Kaia was still coughing profusely, but after getting him a All Nippon Airways diecast airplane set, he was in good spirits. As well, the fresh onigiri and bottled teas available in any combi (convenience store) brought a jump to my step. Nothing like food to make me happy. So we activated our Japan Rail Passes and headed off on the Narita Express and Shinkansen to our hot spring resort in Atami. Expectedly, Kaia was in heaven on the trains and it did not seem like long ago that we were headed in the opposite direction, making our way TO Chennai, full of anticipation. Many things have changed since then…

Why I Love this Time: A time for reflection.

Funny Bangkok

2006-05-09T15:08:00.000+05:30

I’m sure that for a very good reason just about all of the international flights out of Chennai depart very late in the evening. Coordinating the global itineraries for the multitude of planes criss-crossing the region can’t be easy and there have to be some places where that get the short end of the departure stick. As far as India goes, there is always going to be a much more important airport than Chennai’s Anna International Airport—Delhi, Mumbai, Bangalore, heck even probably Hyderbad—so there’s a short-hand analysis of why we were leaving at 12:25am for a 3 hour flight to Bangkok.

In order to squeeze the most out of our flight plan back to the US, we decided to break up the first long stretch of the itinerary to Japan and stop for a full day in Thailand. We’d only been in the airport a few times (I was actually in Thailand for two weeks in 1993), and it seemed like a fun idea to take the cosmopolitan center of South-East Asia (don’t tell Singapore). Yet there were a few things that worried me—one that the flight was so short and we’d be arriving at around 4:00am Chennai time, and that Kaia’s cough and illness was getting progressively worse. The stress of the last week has been really high for all of us and Kaia has not been sleeping or eating properly. As a parent now ‘experienced’ in long distance moves with children, this was/is to be expected. I can remember when we arrived in Japan in 2003 in the dead of winter and Kaia was running a high fever, our national health insurance had yet to kick in, we didn’t have any transportation, and we didn’t have the first clue about finding a good doctor. In retrospect, we rather freaked out and asked this woman whom we didn’t know to drive us to the local clinic because our son was running a high temperature. I’ll never forget this 60-something-ish woman blazing through the backroads of Nishinasuno in her K-Car as if she had someone in the back giving birth! It was quite the riot.

For me, living in Chennai at times has felt intensely isolating. There is so much to immerse yourself in that if becomes easy to lose touch with other forms of living—that everything doesn’t function (or not) like it does (or does not) in India. Being in the Bangkok airport reminded me of this very quickly. The (Indian) Thai Airways clerk in Chennai checked our bags all the way to Japan every though I made it very clear that we wanted them checked to Bangkok. So, after watching Jyothi Kumar’s red suitcase circle the baggage claim carousel for the 40th time, I realized that there was going to have to be that dreaded confrontation with the people at lost baggage to located our three bags. Kaia and indiamama were trying to get some sleep (I couldn’t sleep at all on the plane and never do) and I went to deal with the problem.

But here I was pleasantly surprised. They located our bags within 20 minutes and brought them out to us, no problem. I can remember when we first arrived in Chennai and it took them 30 just to find a stroller that was checked at the gate! We were recommended by a friend to take a Thai Airways ‘limo’ from the airport to the hotel due to the early arrival, all our bags, and a fussy Kaia, and it was a great idea. We were whisked away in a spacious Mercedes-Benz and, with the smooth ride, I could feel that these were not Indian roads where folks cannot drive much more than 60 km/hour lest they lose their front axle in a pothole or run over some moving mammal. Thai drivers are known for their breakneck speeds, and as we neared 100, it actually kind of scared me!

Our hotel, the Pathumwan Princess, was a really great recommendation as well. For $100/night it was a great deal with really nice amenities and a central location that allowed us (or at least me) to take in as much as Bangkok as possible in a full day. Unfortunately, Kaia and indiamama were feeling very ill, so they stayed in and slept from the time we arrived at 8am until the late afternoon. I took a short nap, and then headed out to find some pirated software and eat the streets. On both counts I was successful in finding what I was looking for (man, Thai street food is GOOD!), even managing to take a taxi, tuk-tuk, be asked if I wanted sex 10 times, be befriended by a Thai cameraman getting ready to go to Europe for the World Cup, and watch someone eat some wicked looking fried insects and grubs from a street vendor. When Kaia felt a bit better, he and I ventured back out in the streets and a nearby huge and sprawling shopping center in the spirit of American department store and boutique shopping (Siam Center). Indiamama had a Thai massage scheduled from 700-800pm, so Kaia and I looked for some dinner. I was not quite sure what I was up for and we looked at a number of restaurants. But it was not until I turned a corner and saw the sushi bar that I truly realized what I had been missing—raw fish and lots of it. Akasaka is a very weak (and horribly overpriced) facsimile of even the most marginal Japanese food (but the people are wonderful), and since I’d heard that the Japanese food is as good and cheaper than you can find in Japan, I was all over it. I think that the restaurant staff was a bit taken aback by how much I ordered, thinking that there was no way that Kaia could eat that much!

Anyway, at 9pm we left for the airport and made it through immigration and onto our plane to Japan without incident. Kaia’s cough wasn’t getting any better, however, so we increased the cough medicine dosage and hoped he’d pass out on the five hour plane ride…at least, we thought, that when we get to Japan, it’ll be on familiar ground and we can do whatever we need to do once we get there.

Why I Love this Time: “Papa, we’re in Bangkok! That’s a funny name!”

Leaving on a Jet Plane

2006-05-09T07:26:00.000+05:30

It wasn’t easy getting out of Sethu’s Ambassdor, loading the bags onto a luggage cart and making our way through the sliding doors for ticked passengers only. Even more difficult was saying goodbye to the three people to whom be owe much gratitude for making our time in Chennai so memorable: Sethu, Joyce and Sekar. Before arriving at the airport, we visited the Thiruvanmiyur Shiva temple and had a brief dinner at the Guindy Sangeetha where I enjoyed my last authentic South Indian dosai (of paper masala variety) and we all tried to eat, knowing that a painful goodbye was close at hand. Kaia was curiously upbeat and excited (something he hadn’t been for days) as he popped little idlis in his mouth.

At the airport it was all tears and silences. Not much you can say about saying goodbye that doesn’t come off sounding shallow or patronizing. Kaia was really quiet from the time we left the restaurant and made the 5 minute drive to the airport. He knew what was going on. So what to say about how it went? I guess I was a bit surprised that it wasn’t MORE emotional than it was, but I suppose it was because we were all spent from the previous few days. In particular, I’ll never forget indiamama reading Joyce the letter of recommendation that we wrote for her…it was almost like a living eulogy…

So, thank you Joyce, Sekar and Sethu. Joyce, we love you more than you’ll ever let yourself know, Sekar, thank you for all your support, and Sethu, we couldn’t have survived without your consistent rescues—you are like Superman in a Radhamma getaway car!

Why I Love this Time: Forging relationships like these that transcend citizenship, class, caste and gender is not a minor thing. Few have the opportunity to experience such depth of connection and I am thankful that we’ve been able to, particularly Kaia.

Bye-Bye India

2006-05-08T17:32:00.000+05:30

“Don’t take my refrigerator! That’s my refrigerator! I don’t like these men…” This what Kaia was crying, or more accurately, what was echoing in our cavernous home, as the last of the things made its way out the door. It has been a very difficult day for Kaia—lots of crying (I don’t think that he’s been right all day), he’s got a cold (which should be a blast on the plane) and his life is in complete disarray. I don’t feel good about it. In fact, I feel down right shitty about it, to go along with the dozen of other painful things that go into leaving a place. I know that the past few months this weblog has been mostly mailing it in, lacking the kind of personal writing and insight of, dare I say, earlier postings. I think it is because I’ve know for some time now that this day would come and, deep down, I didn’t ever want it to. I love

India

. I love living here. I love Kaia living here. Having to watch him suffer like this is really hard.

Why I Love this Time: I started this little regular section as a foil to when some bloggers will end their posting with what music they’re listening to while writing or what mood folks are in that day. Well, this part kind of challenged me to think for every posting why I loved this time, here in India, with Kaia—being his indiapapa. Admittedly, there were times when I just didn’t feel it to write something that I was ‘loving’, but it was as good device for me to get back into the moment, just a bit. Now that I am posting the last entry from India (the internet connection is the LAST thing to go), I cannot say that I am loving this time. All that consumes me/us is sadness and loss. Sure I know that there are brighter days ahead, but right now I’ll just need to wallow in this for a bit more. We’re headed off to the temple for one last blessing with Sethu, Joyce and Sekar…until post-India, this is indiapapa saying good night and farewell. Thanks to all those who came along for the ride.

Here Come the Movers

2006-05-07T20:38:00.000+05:30

Well, the day has finally come—moving day. This morning around 9:30am, after a morning visit to the sleeping Vishnu temple, the men from Multi-Movers arrived at our place and furiously dove into the wrapping and packing process. Tape was ripping, cardboard flying and emotions running high as our place was quickly transformed from a home to a storage facility. Watching the men pack up our things was quite difficult and it was particular hard to watch Joyce watch them box up Kaia’s stroller—something that they shared many hours together doing. We were all in tears at the movers methodically wrapped the bubble wrap and cardboard around the ‘trolley’, it was really hard to watch.

At around 12:30pm, Sethu and his family arrived with an amazing Keralan lunch—coconut fish curry, chicken, pappads, parathas, rice…it was heavenly! As well, Jasmine and her family also came by and it was really nice to have our friends her to share lunch together. While there was no place to formally sit, we converted the bedroom into a dining space and it couldn’t have been more comfortable. Kaia will miss Sethu’s children, Aravind (13) and Abilash (9), very much…

By 5:00pm, our landlord, Mr. Jayachandran came by to finalize the lease and about 30 minutes later, Muthatha and Valli (from Kids Central, she’s Muthatha’s cousin) came by to say goodbye. It has been a very sad day, having to say goodbye to so many close friends, but it seems like Kaia is doing a bit better than the last few days. I don’t know what tomorrow will be like…

Why I Love this Time: I don’t think I will really know for some time…

Overnight Joycee

2006-05-06T22:36:00.000+05:30

For the past three nights, Joyce has been staying the night at our place because her children are staying at her mother’s place and her husband is out of station, on a long distance driving assignment. It has been really nice to have her here around the clock and Kaia has been full of joy. For her, not having to deal with the commute time and the heat of her inland home makes it a positive as well. I know that I have said it a number of times before, but we are really going to miss her and I don’t know what Kaia is going to do without her. For the past week he has been asking where she is when she’s out or not around and earlier this week, whenever he’d hear the building’s elevator he’d run to the door, open it, and wait for her to come up. Of course, most of the time it wasn’t her, but it was clear that he knew that she/we would be leaving each other soon. It just really breaks my heart to see it all coming down to the end.

Kaia has actually really been struggling with the move for the past week. Earlier, when we would ask him if he was excited about moving back to the US, he would give and emphatic, “YES!”, but now this is certainly not the case. Now he responds with a clear, “I want to stay here. This is my home. I don’t want to go to the US. I want to stay in India.” Yesterday, when a painter came to do measurements for a job he’ll do once we vacate the apartment, Kaia got really upset when the painter came into my office. He said, “Don’t go into papa’s office! This is Kaia’s house, you should go away! Don’t take away Kaia’s things, this is Kaia’s house!” I don’t know how the next two days are going to be, but I suspect a lot of tears are going to be shed and heavy hearts taken away…

Why I Love this Time: The beginning of a time to reflect upon how this experience has transformed all of us, indiapapa, kaia and indiamama

Mr. Kaia's Neighborhood

2006-05-05T22:22:00.000+05:30

Kaia and I are really going to miss our neighborhood and its characters. From the corner auto stand at the intersection of 4^th Seward and Balakrishnan roads to the scowling sewing-wallah down the street to Shyam the ironing man, we’ll really miss seeing them on a daily basis. I suppose that I should have done a posting on Kaia’s neighborhood long ago, introducing the different people and their backstories, but alas the time for such dreams never came to pass. It is interesting how, when you get established in a place, that you begin to lose the curiosity and enthusiasm for the everyday. In many respects, I started indiapapa to try to shed light on the mundane practices within fatherhood, but in retrospect I realize that I could have done a much better job had I not gotten caught up in the so-called dramas that infect our lives. But anyway, I digress…

Even though he is nearly three, Kaia still needs to be in motion in order to take his afternoon nap. If it is scorching hot (which lately, it has been—highs in the mid 100s!), then well strap him in the car seat and take an air conditioned ride through the neighborhood, but if the weather is OK, it’s the stroller (or ‘trolley’ as folks call it here) for a few trips around the block—or to the auto stand and back again. Depending on how tired he is, you might end up going 4 or 5 times up and back, which can be not only frustrating, but tiring in the mid-day sun, regardless of if its breaking the century mark or not.

I really love how service vendors will set up their operations on the sidewalk street shoulder—no enforced zoning here. I would imagine that those who duplicate services (like ironing) have an agreement about who services which area, and it is really remarkable how these ironing guys remember the cost for each client. With dozens of garments, each a slightly different price, they must really have an air-tight memory. One site that I’ll never forget is how Shyam’s wife worked right up until she delivered her son, carrying large bags of neatly folded and ironed clothes on her head throughout the neighborhood with a full belly of boy. Sometimes the power would go out in our building and she would actually walk four flights of stairs to get to our place! Simply amazing how hard some people work in this country (and equally as remarkable how lazy others can be) and what they are physically capable of.

Just last month they finished the TVS guest house next door to our building. Since we moved in April 2005, they had been renovating it and with a crew of nearly 20 men and women. Kaia and I would often go down and watch them pounding and chiseling flagstones for the walkway and I would just be in awe of how much weight people could carry on their heads. Someone once remarked to me that nearly all of India has been built on the heads of (mostly) women with sturdy necks and even stronger backs. I wonder what Kaia thinks when he sees so many people working so hard and most of the time his papa is pecking away at a computer keyboard, getting fatter by the hour. Hopefully, when we get back to the US, I’ll have a chance to get myself back in the physical groove and move my body like it is meant to be used. I don’t know that I’ll be carrying things on my head, but one can really learn a lot from just watching what’s right outside your door. It just so happens that, in this country, that can be a rather amazing thing to behold.

Why I Love this Time: Our last peanuts from the peanut man…

FabIndia

2006-05-04T16:06:00.000+05:30

I don’t think that I could wrap up this weblog without some entry on FabIndia. Why, you ask? Well, it’s probably because we’ve spent thousands of dollars there over the past year and ½ on clothing, home furnishings, fabric, you name it. Just speaking for me, of my wardrobe here, probably 90% of it is from Fab. If you factor in all of my clothes (here and in the US), it’ll probably work out to 75% still! In the same way that I became a Uniqlo bitch in Japan, so could be said for our addiction to Fab here in

India

. When things are $5-10 a pop it is so easy to buy without thinking, even when the aggregate of the various things almost always exceeds $100. The garments are really nice, all hand-made and with natural fibers and just perfect for the Chennai heat and humidity. Even Kaia has a number of kurtas from Fab and he knows the various Fab franchises very well…I don’t think that we’ll need to buy clothes for quite a while in the US!

Why I Love this Time: This strip in Besant Nagar where the new FabIndia is located has become a very regular place for us. The Nilgiris market, Murugan Idli Shop, the Dollar Store, Giorgio restaurant, just to name a few…I’ll miss cruising the street together, dodging poop, drunks, and street vendors with Kaia…

Samudra Dugar Staff

2006-05-03T15:54:00.000+05:30

A big part of our life here has been the wonderful staff of our Samudra Dugar apartment building. They are all very kind people and all are a big part of Kaia’s world. From the watchmen, Shankar (bottom left) and the ‘old man’ from Nepal (at left, center), to Geehta (right) the ‘sweeping lady’, to brothers Swami and John (at left, left and right) who take care of building maintenance, they have all been fun people to see each day. Kaia knows them all so well now that I’m sure that he will also ask about them once we leave. Back in my pre-departure clarity, I had wanted to do short interviews and profiles of each of them for the weblog, but like many small projects, other things quickly wash over them. We wish them all the best.

Why I Love this Time: I wonder if the smell of industrial strength cleaner will always trigger memories of India for Kaia, I know that it will for me!

Pre-poned Birthday Celebration

2006-05-02T15:37:00.000+05:30

Our time here is slipping away. Today Joyce and Sekar planned and held a small early birthday celebration for Kaia since we’ll have left India by the time his real birthday comes up on the 21^st. They had been planning for a few weeks to celebrate his birthday together and they both took off the entire morning and afternoon to prepare for the event. They didn’t tell us where it would be held, only that it would be for dinner and that they would be treating us.

They picked Basera, mostly because Sekar knows that Kaia loves their playground and food. Basera serves a wide menu but they’re really known for their kabobs, which are succulent and very tasty. We arrived at 7:00pm, right when they open for dinner (much earlier that either Joyce or Sekar usually eat dinner, which is around 930-1000pm). Joyce had purchased a beautiful new red sari for the occasion and even Sekar was dressed in semi-formal attire.

In the trunk (which we were instructed not to open) they pulled out a black forest birthday cake and a large box wrapped in silver paper and we all walked into the restaurant. Kaia was very interested in eating the cake, so we actually led off the evening lighting the candles and singing happy birthday, even before the menus arrived! On the cake was an airplane because Joyce knows how much Kaia loves airplanes and that he’ll be taking off on one very soon.

We enjoyed a very nice meal together and, of course, Kaia was fixated on the large box. He finished his meal and it was a steady stream of “open it! open it!” Finally, we relented and we tore into it with Joyce at his side. What was inside were two very thoughtful gifts—a train set and a small drum/tambourine. Joyce and Kaia have enjoyed making music together, often turning over the laundry baskets and pots and pans to use for drum sets, and Sekar knows that Kaia’s cheap plastic “Super Expresss Train (yes the box has that many sses)”, is falling apart. Expectedly, Kaia was estatic and right there on the restaurant floor he was interested in setting everything up.

It was a very special and memorable night for all of us and the emotion was hard to control at times. Seeing the deep love that these two people have for Kaia, and he for them, and knowing that soon they will be apart just breaks my heart. He has already started to say that he doesn’t want to “leave India, India is my home!” and I know that it isn’t going to get any easier.

Why I Love this Time: Through his close relationships with Joyce and Sekar he has a very different understanding of family and love for others. I hope that it will be something that he carries with him for his entire life.

Locked In

2006-04-30T21:38:00.000+05:30

We had a small bit of Sunday drama this morning when Kaia locked himself in our bedroom. As I’ve learned is the case in many recently built Indian flats there are a locks and fixtures on just about anything that has a door, often times in multiple forms. Our front door, for example, has two key locks (accessed with different keys, of course), two sliding deadbolts and a turn lock. I still have not seen one person exit our front door cleanly when attempting to get out for that first time. It is quite the effort. When we moved in, we were handed this fistful of keys—probably 12-15 in total (no joke)—that opened everything from the laundry room door to the promenade drawers. Unlike how I eventually learned the many light switches and what they turn on and off, I never really got that hang of all of the keys. I suspect that, with just about everyone employing domestic help (the only person I ever met here without domestic help was my friend Sumiwati, from Indonesia, who did everything herself with a 2 year old!), people want to be able to lock things away. Regardless, to have more keys than a school janitor seems a bit excessive for a 1,800 square foot flat.

But back to our story, Kaia had just finished breakfast and had adjourned to our bedroom to have his morning poop in private. Recently, he’s been taking to closing the door to ensure full privacy while he reads his books and does his thing, but today he decided to bolt the door as well. Don’t ask me why there is a need for a deadbolt in the bedroom, but sure enough all of our rooms have, not just one, but two on each door—even the kitchen! When we figured out that he had done this, and that he couldn’t open it because of a hurt finger (he pinched it yesterday) on his right hand and a sticky bolt, all we could do was try to ‘coach’ him through the door as to how to open the bolt. I actually found the entire episode to be rather humorous (to the annoyance of indiamama and Joyce) as how could you not laugh at how this little guy had locked himself in and responded to pointers by saying, “Kaia’s locked out papa!” We have a window into our bedroom toilet that is accessible from the back deck, but it (like all of the windows in our place) has an iron grate on it. But at least we were able to see him and talk to him through the grate (Joyce passed him juice like he was in prison or something) and he just laughed and laughed at seeing us.

But after about 90 minutes it wasn’t so much fun for him (or us) anymore. Repeated attempts to walk him through the bolt moving exercise were coming up empty and we resorted to contacting the local locksmith. Since it was Sunday, the building maintenance man was on holiday and Sekar had taken leave as well. So we sat and waited for the man to come—and it was coordinated by our resident superhero, Sethu. Anyway, after about 3 hours of waiting, indiamama asked Kaia to try one more time with a big push and he was able to do it—some 30 seconds before the locksmith walked in the door with Sethu! Just amazing timing. We paid the man 150 rupees for his trouble and Kaia had a huge grin on his face. “I got out papa,” he said. “Kaia escaped!”

Why I Love this Time: Lazy Sundays, listening to the Paperman make his rounds as I settle into the Sunday Hindu.

Kali Temple

2006-04-27T07:39:00.000+05:30

Today we visited a Kali temple about 20 minutes from our home with Joyce. It is reputed to have special powers and those who make the journey there receive whatever they pray for—provided, of course, that they live rightly and have the deep faith that their requests will be answered. We have all come to be very comfortable at Hindu temples and even understand and are able to participate in some of the rituals. Joyce has been making the trek to this temple once a month for nearly one year and really believes that whatever you pray for at this particular temple, you will get. She says that her prayers have been answered a number of times this year. I'm thankful that she's praying for us...

Why I Love this Time: In the unexpected comfort and familiarity of walking barefoot on that blazing pavement leading up to the temple, making your way past one legged beggars, emaciated children, and flower vendors, Kaia turns to me and says, “Papa, where’s the elephant?”

I Want to Stay Here

2006-04-25T07:38:00.000+05:30

Today at breakfast, I was talking to Kaia about going ‘back’ to the US to our ‘home’. Of course, for him, having only lived there for the first 7 months of his life (versus, say, nearly a year and ½ here and over a year in Japan), while we talk about the US being home, it cannot feel that way for him. Anyway, as we have been slowly packing things up, donating old clothes and toys, he has been understandably disturbed. In this instance, I had said that he can take some of his special toys on the airplane and then the rest will get to go on a boat and meet us in Seattle. I thought that he would find this to be a fun thing, but it wasn’t received well. A sad look washed over his face and he started to sob. “I want to stay here papa. I want to stay here.” As the tears welled up in my own eyes and I realized just how much this IS his home and that in just a few days he’ll be ripped apart from it.

Why I Love this Time: Lately, he’s been asking where Joyce is during times when he knows full well that she’s a home, like in the evening. I think that he’s anticipating his separation from her…

Nitin Uncle and Muthatha Aunty

2006-04-24T16:17:00.000+05:30

This weekend our good friends, Nitin and Muthatha came to stay with us. They had planned to meet us in Kodaikanal for a few days last week, but due to the death of the famous Kannada film star, Rajkumar, they were unable to get out of Bangalore as the entire city shut down for two days and was overcome by rioting. In South India, film stars can rise to god-like stature among the masses and it is a phenomenon that is, admittedly, difficult for me to fully understand. Throughout the south, the worlds of politics and cinema are very cozy. Sure, in the US Ronald Reagan became President and Arnold Schwartzeneggar became the Governor of California, but there is nothing close to the something like the M.G. Ramachandran (MGR) phenomenon. Anyway, this weekend they were able to get out of the city and join us for a really nice time.

One of the things that we did was venture down to Dakshina Chitra, a reproduction of traditional south Indian rural community living that, functionally is a bit like going to Plymouth Plantation except here they have fortune telling parrots and tender coconut water for sale. It is a really nice place to come with Kaia as he can roam around and they maintain the grounds well so there’s no concern about stray dogs or other critters.

Kaia really took to Nitin and was very sad to see him leave (as were we all, and sad to see Muthatha Aunty too!). We are looking forward to having them come stay with us in Seattle when Muthatha returns to the University of Washington to complete her Ph.D.

Why I Love this Time: The other day we were driving on a side street and Kaia saw an older man wearing a white dhoti and walking with a cane. Immediately he said, “papa, its Gandhi!” We all burst out in laughter and it further proved to me that this little guy has indeed become an Indian.

Feeling Much Better

2006-04-21T17:47:00.000+05:30

We’re all doing much better and Kaia is responding very well to the medicines. Outside of making sure that he takes his stuff at the right time of day, I haven’t been doing a whole lot. I had expected to be gone this week and next, so I had prepared accordingly…this has meant that there isn’t much to work on here and, mentally, I am still very much in vacation mode. Indiamama has been making up for lost time with her shopping and slowly coming back to life, which is great to see.

Why I Love this Time: “Killing Summer” at the Fruit Shop on Greams Road in Besant Nagar.

Stomach Infection

2006-04-18T17:38:00.000+05:30

Well, when you’re still puking four days after a supposed bout with motion sickness, it is something more severe. Last night (Monday) Kaia started coughing just after he’d fallen asleep and then puked up another large quantity of goo. This was made all the more worse by an outbreak of hives all over his body that was (as hives can truly be) very disturbing to look at. We took him to the doctor’s today and it seems like he’s got a stomach virus. In some ways, I’m actually happy that this is what it is as it can be cured whereas acute motion sickness cannot so much. Of course, he is likely susceptible to becoming ill in challenging driving and boating situations, but he’ll be OK, I think. So, while we ended up canceling our trip based on a wrong diagnosis, the fact that he’s got a stomach virus, affirms that there was no way we could have traveled. So, it is five days of an awfully bitter antibiotic, accompanied by an anti-nausea, an antihistamine, zinc and a ‘good’ bacteria powder to help with the, oh yeah I forgot to mention, diarrhea. Hey, it could be worse—we could be in Darjeeling, cold and stressed as Kaia continues vomiting and we desperately search for a doctor…did I say how much I love being in Chennai right now, 100 degree heat and all?

Why I Love this Time: Being home for an illness, as being away, there’s nothing worse.

Precision Vomiting

2006-04-16T17:31:00.000+05:30

So we got back early Saturday and still today (Sunday night) Kaia is sick. He seemed fine all day, playing and generally being himself, but tonight at dinner with Auntie Kate at Eden, when the spaghetti came, he neatly vomited up all the day’s food, right onto the plate. While it was, again, very sad there was a tinge of humor to it as it vomit was very controlled and neat and settled right to the side of spaghetti. It could certainly have passed for a side dish. I cleaned him up a bit and, since I’d forgotten to pack a change of shirt (really all the extras were used up on the car ride down the mountain) we had to walk to a nearby children’s store and buy a new outfit. While the clerks there were convinced that Kaia was not close to 3, but in fact 4 or older, they adamantly told me that nothing there would fit him. Having lived here long enough to know that you never take things for face value (and not wanting him to continue to wear his lunch), I pushed to see their largest outfits. Of course, they fit just fine and it was almost as if I was forcing them to sell to me! Such is Indian customer service from time to time.

Why I Love this Time: The story behind the new ‘kite shirt’.

Kodaikanal: Day Six

2006-04-14T11:41:00.000+05:30

Well, the last day and the trip down the mountain wasn’t quite what we were hoping for. Around 4:00pm it started to pour down rain and we left the hotel at 5:00 to be sure to catch the 9:30pm train back to Chennai. After only five minutes in the car (this time a big SUV, Toyota Qualis) Kaia started complaining about being sick and his mouth hurting. I thought that he was just being a bit fussy because he didn’t have a nap, but minutes later I discovered that he was being serious. Very serious. All the food from the day—mostly rice—came out, onto him and me. However, this time, it was not a little bile, but large volumes. We pulled the car over and he then puked twice more—projectile vomiting, which is amazing for a 2 year old—as the rain poured down on both of us. I don’t think that I have ever seen him so sad as this moment—vomit all over his front, out his nose, dripping off his chin, sobbing and bracing himself for more.

We kept it all together (surprisingly) while the rain kept falling and car sped by, got him dressed and re-started our descent. It was not a pleasant drive down for any of us. Kaia vomited about every 10 minutes and cried the entire 3 hours. We drove slowly, but the 15^th hairpin turn in a row is painful no matter the speed. When he kept saying, “I want to go home, I want to go home”, it was becoming clear that to take our next trip (scheduled to depart on Monday, April 17^th) to the mountainous areas of Darjeeling, Sikkim and Kalimpong would be bordering on child abuse. The roads up there would be equally as windy and we’d be much further from home than 6 hours by train. By the time we had gotten to the train station and Kaia was sleeping in the car as we waited for the train, indiamama and I, covered in vomit and longing for the comforts of home, decided that the next trip would have to be canceled. It was very disappointing, because we were all looking forward to going up there and really experiencing a different part of India, but it was just not possible. Traveling with kids is not like the old backpacking days where you could go wherever you wanted on a whim. By the time that we arrived home at 6:30am, I had realized just how much Chennai and this place has become our home. It felt so good for all of us to be back. So while the next three weeks wont be out of Chennai, it will be a time for us to all relax here in the home that will soon no longer be that.

The photos below don’t really relate to this posting, but are of a bit more happy times before we went down the hill…visiting the local temple, listening to our new iPod, etc…

Why I Love this Time: That decisions like this one are not difficult at all.

Kodaikanal: Days Four and Five

2006-04-13T11:34:00.000+05:30

Well, one disappointment here in Kodai has been the food—really awful. This was punctuated by indiamama eating some bad birinjal (eggplant) masala and spending the past two days vomiting up everything except for her internal organs. Prior to her illness, we did have a nice time walking around the town. Indiamama got a mehendi and we all enjoyed a horse ride along the lake and through the forest. Kaia’s horse was name Baba and, by the end of the ride, he was sleeping.

Why I Love this Time: While indiamama suffered in sickness at home, Kaia and I went out for a drive to hit all of the tourist spots. Of course, he was most interested in stopping to see the various road construction going on. Anyway, a monkey nearly attacked us trying to get Kaia’s apple juice (who doesn’t go crazy for sugar?) and while I was a bit concerned, Kaia couldn’t stop laughing.

Kodaikanal: Day Three

2006-04-11T11:00:00.000+05:30

Another beautiful day of weather and relaxation. We rented a peddleboat and took it out on the lake as a family in the morning. Like the silly tourists we are, we all got burned by the son, me more than Kaia or indiamama. My entire bald scalp seemed like it was under a magnifying glass and a few days later all the skin would peel off—how’s that for scalp cleansing! We were a but apprehensive about taking Kaia on the lake without a proper lifejacket, but the little boat did have a life preserver and we tied Kaia to his mother so that he wouldn’t fall out. While doing this in the US would be seen as highly irresponsible and bordering on criminal, here it is odd, if not excessive. I doubt that the number of drownings is very different from there to here, but certainly the cultural attitudes make for an interesting study.

Today was also the first day (I think) celebrating Tamil New Year (which is on Friday). In commemoration, there was a large procession packing the streets with pilgrims carrying peacock feathers, horns, drums and cymbals, and a rather curious and disturbing sight of a man swinging on top of a cart, suspended by dozens of large hooks, fixed to his skin. Words cannot describe it properly, so just check out the photos.

Why I Love this Time: While pestering the geese, one attacked Kaia and went for his toes. Watching Kaia laugh and scurry away was so funny that I actually encouraged him to go over to the goose again.

Kodaikanal: Day Two

2006-04-10T10:54:00.000+05:30

After waking up from his morning recovery nap, Kaia was feeling much better. We had a little breakfast and then headed out to enjoy the amazing weather—70 degrees, no humidity and only a trace of dust to tickle the lungs. The hotel has domestic birds (turkeys, ducks, geese) roaming the grounds, apparently for the very reason that we enjoyed them—for small children to chase and generally harass. They also have a nice grassy playground area with a slide and swing set, and with the weather being so perfect, it was very enjoyable to be out together.

In the afternoon we made our way down to the lake and did some ‘stall shopping’ and noticed the large number of Tibetan vendors. We bought a yak wool shawl from one kindly man who looked a lot like a old-school Japanese artisan and Kaia made friends with the different vendors who just couldn’t accept that I was from the US and not China or Japan. For many, it seemed like they were actually disappointed!

Why I Love this Time: Many of the slides here are made with concrete and very steep, therefore, kids can slide down at warp speeds. I don’t think that Kaia will be able to find comparable slides in the US, so it is really funny to watch him bolt down these slides with equal parts fear and bliss.

Kodaikanal: Day One

2006-04-09T10:45:00.000+05:30

After well over a year without a proper family vacation, we headed off to visit the hill station, Kodaikanal. At 7,000 feet above sea level, Kodai is a popular refuge for many classes of Indians in Tamil Nadu who are looking to escape the brutal heat and humidity of summer and we’d been wanting to visit there for sometime, particularly now since the temperature is rising every day. While there are a few different ways and combinations to get to Kodai, but it was the overnight train combined with the 2.5 hour car ride up the mountain that we were most interested. Or, more accurately, that we knew that Kaia would be most interested in.

We arrived at Chennai’s Egmore station at around 9:00pm and made our way through the masses of people and cargo to find our lavish “first class, AC sleeper car”. Traveling with Kaia has certainly changed our standards and this is a great example of this. Whereas we used to (enjoy) traveling on 2^nd or 3^rd class, non-AC, mostly for the folks that we would get to meet and talk with, the thought of trying to put him down, hoping he gets some rest for a 5:15am wake up at the Kodai station (where there is a 3-5 minute stop only!) is hard to rationalize as being a positive experience. In this way, it is clear that traveling with a small child, while opening up a new world of experience can also close off a number of worlds. It really just is an entirely different trip.

Kaia, expectedly, was very excited to ride the train. I don’t think that he was able to understand that we were going to actually sleep in the train until we got into the berth and we could see the bed sheets and pillows waiting for us. It was really cute to see him so excited and, even though it was nighttime, he was purposefully looking out the window and identifying all the various vehicles and train accessories that we passed by. As he become more aware that we were on this train for the entire night, he was filled with joy—laughing and singing and just so charged up. Of course, as the clock neared 10:00pm, this isn’t such a great thing as a parent who wants to get some sleep!

Early the next morning we were up at 4:45am, terrified that we’d miss our station. Of course, the car attendant assured us that he’d wake us up 15 minutes before then, but we know better than to depend on his word. So we woke up early and when he DID come by our car 15 minutes beforehand, he was actually upset with us! Of course, the next station was not our station and we had to wait another 15 minutes for the right station to emerge, but at least we got there!

Waiting for us at the Kodai Junction station was John, the taxi driver. Our friend Rehka, who attended the Kodai International School, arranged for him to be there and drive us up. The travel agent in Chennai wanted Rs.2,800 to set it up but Rehka was able to get us the normal rate of Rs.850. It certainly pays to shop around. The car was a small Tata Indica and while we were all still groggy from the early morning wakeup, the valley was still cool and the rise up the mountain brought the kind of clean, fresh air that one cannot find much of in Chennai. It was really nice. Coming up the mountain we spotted monkeys, groups of pilgrims, speeding busses (even on these winding mountain roads) and, most presciently, folks’ losing their lunch. About halfway up the mountain Kaia started complaining about feeling sick. He said that his “mouth hurt” and his “tummy was ouchy” and then proceeded to throw up, just a bit, on his shirt. We pulled over to change him and them put him in the front seat with me. Sitting in front is supposed to help you focus on an object and calm your equilibrium. But focus on what? The speeding Technicolor busses coming at you head on with each hairpin turn? The throngs of people pushing you out into the other lane on a blind turn? The scurrying monkeys and languishing cows? Yeah, there’s plenty of ways to calm the self. By the time we arrived at our hotel, the sun was out, the birds were singing, and we were so relieved to have finally arrived. We all retreated to the room and took a morning nap.

Why I Love this Time: Drinking tender coconut at a rest stop.

indiamama's last day

2006-04-07T14:51:00.000+05:30

Well, after months of protracted agony and innumerable ups and downs, the day has finally come where all of us can officially say that indiamama is done with work. For those of you who know about the work situation, it has been full of challenges that have pushed all of us to the brink of madness from time to time. To know that it is over is a very comforting feeling. I expect that the transition back to being a full family again will have its bumps in the road, but it is very much preferable to the way that things have been for the past 15 months. Of course, life has been far from awful living here in this remarkable place, and we all respond to life challenges and grow accordingly. I suspect that it will take some time for all of us to process just how challenging her work was for us and what kind of a strain it put on our family, but for now it is time to celebrate the completion of this phase of life. Now it is onward to a long vacation and some great travel plans across India, Asia, Hawaii and California!

Why I Love this Time: Witnessing the respect and appreciation for indiamama from her staff and peers.

Studio K Redux

2006-04-05T12:47:00.000+05:30

We had such a great time at our first Studio K photo shoot that we decided to come back for Kaia to have his own professional sitting. The folks there are really patient and the quality of their work is very good, so with the price being about $60 (including 8 8x10 shots and a photo CD) you can’t beat it. I was really hoping to capture the “Indian Kaia” and I think that they did a really wonderful job of doing so. We brought a few of his toys, and these are in the shots, and it was my idea to have him go chasing bubbles. I think it all worked out really well. Kaia was a real pro in the makeup chair—sitting there for nearly 20 minutes while they prepped and dusted him with all kinds of hues and sprays.

Why I Love this Time: The ankle bells (see photos).

A New Indiapapa

2006-04-03T14:59:00.000+05:30

About a month ago, the first of indiamama’s replacements (there are two), Michele, came to Chennai to start her work on the project. Accompanying her were her husband Ziyad and two daughters, Nadia (3) and Zayna (1). Ziyad had been working as a public defender in Boston a number of years and decided to go on-leave to support his wife and take up the mantle of full-time papa for the next year and a half. They’ve moved in across the street from us and Kaia and I couldn’t be more pleased to have new friends to join us in this experience here. We’ll miss them once we move on, but are glad that we’ve had these couple of months to get to know each other.

Why I Love this Time: New friends sharing similar challenges.

Final Performance

2006-04-01T22:45:00.000+05:30

Today was the big day, Kaia’s End of the Year performance at Kids Central. The children had been practicing for about two weeks and Kaia was a frog. Indiamama had sewn him some frog flippers and we bought him a nice lime green shirt and shorts to match the headpiece that was given to us by the school. While there were some practice that we needed to do with his jumping beforehand, he knew the songs and seemed excited for the performance.

We got there early and, like many of the other first-time parents, were jockeying for a front row seat with still and video cameras in tow. Of course, as the more experienced parents know, the front row isn’t the best place to videotape. Anyway, the theme was “creepy crawlies” and at 9:45 am the procession made its way out—bees, spiders, snakes, cockroaches, ladybugs and, of course, frogs. Maybe it was because it was my first experience with this kind of performance, but man, these kids were CUTE! Kaia took his place on his ‘cross’ and the show began.

Within each group of creepy crawlies, there were four to five children, and each group had its own song. For the frogs, it was sung to the tune of Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star and the lyrics (as taught to me by Kaia) were:

Little green frog likes to hop,
Hoppin and hoppin and hoppin and hop.
Hop here, hop there, hop hop everywhere,
Hopping and hopping and a hop, hop, stop.

So, when it came to the four frogs, they were supposed to get into the frog squat and then hop their way to the center of the stage where they would all sing their song. Kaia made it to the squat position, but that was it. From that point on he froze. Of course, the other three kids moved with varying degrees of accuracy and one of the other children just decided to walk to the middle. It took Kaia’s teacher picking him up and simulating hopping to the middle of the stage to get him to move.

Yet, getting him there really didn’t make a difference. It just meant that he went from being frozen on the periphery to being frozen in the middle. Again, Valli came in and moved him around with the parts of the song and the entire time he had the same Kaia-face that he gets when he’s not quite sure how to process all that’s going on.

I had predicted to indiamama that this would happen as Kaia does not like to be put on the spot in a large group. He can be so outgoing in situations where he understands the setting, but for these kinds of circumstances where there are 70+ clapping parents, it is predictable that he would clam up. For me it was not so painful to watch, and I was laughing the entire time (he didn’t look pained himself) as it was so cute to see him frozen there in a squat.

After all of the children did their little performance, it was time for graduation—for children who are either moving on to elementary school or moving away from the area. Kaia fits into the latter and this was a great opportunity for him (and me) to have some closure on this really great, formidable experience. Kaia was given a sash, graduation certificate and sweet poster with the handprints of all of the children and a poem and photo, for him to remember Kids Central by. I know that he is probably too young, but I would like to think that his time at Kids C has really helped him to be challenged and grow. It makes me a bit sick to think about finding a new school and safe place for him to grow in the US—but I know that we can find it. Kids C has been one of the saviors for us here and I will never forget it.

Why I Love this Time: That it is all on videotape.

Last Day of School

2006-03-31T11:40:00.000+05:30

Some images from our last day of school--leaving and going.

Akasaka

2006-03-29T10:40:00.000+05:30

Related to the previous post about Subway, there are just times when you are living abroad that you HAVE to get comfort foods. Unfortunately for us, our comfort food happens to be one of the most expensive around—Japanese—and in Chennai, this means the most expensive restaurant in the city—Akasaka. However, it would be accurate to state that Akasaka has been a vital part of our time in India. Not only in the regular provision of Japanese rice, Kaia’s onigiri, occasional sushi (yes, we have eaten sushi in

India

!), and my donburis, but also in that this was how we were put into contact with Joyce, who’s ‘Uncle Cyril’ is the manager there. Back in April of last year, we were talking to him about the need to find someone to help out with Kaia and he recommended her to us. The staff at Akasaka are really, really great. In addition to Cyril, there are Joseph, Vincent, Ryan, Elvis (yes, the King works here) and Jagan. The owners are Japanese and they have two grandchildren who are a bit older than Kaia and who run around, thoroughly entertaining him.

Like Subway, it isn’t that the food is so great—to be sure it is marginal at best Japanese food—but it certainly does the trick, I just wish that it did the trick at half the price! When I did a quick tally of all of our Akasaka receipts from the past year, they came to close to $1,000! Hmm, I wonder if that has something to do with the good service;) But we have nothing to complain about with our relationship with Akasaka. It has also been a great entry point into the Japanese expat community and we’ve been invited to a number of really fun, swanky events.

Why I Love this Time: Kaia’s turtles and fish in the Akasaka fish tanks.

Subway

2006-03-28T10:19:00.000+05:30

When you live or travel away from your country of origin for a long period of time, you develop cravings that lead you to do things that you would never think about doing were you still ‘at home’: listening to an Eagles song in a restaurant, watching Everybody Loves Raymond on satellite, or in my case, eating regularly at the local Subway sandwich restaurant. You see, much of the world (especially Japan) still doesn’t do the sandwich thing very well and, as an American, there are few things that can satisfy me at lunch more than a mix of meats and veggies in-between two slaps of non-white bread. For this, there is no place I can go in this city that can do it for a better price than the Besant Nagar Subway.

Kaia’s standby at Subway is the 6” tuna sandwich with extra olives and it can last for both lunch and dinner. He can almost order the thing himself by now and since we go in about once every ten days, the staff there know well that Kaia loves his black olives. As soon as they see him, they prepare a small plate with olives for him to munch while I order. Sometimes, they’ll even take him in the back to watch them prepare his sandwich.

In most respects, the Indian Subway experience is exactly like the American one. While it has been probably 10 years since I ate at one in the US the setup here is much like I remember others to be. The young men carry the euphemism of “Sandwich Artist” and the host of toppings and sauces are ready for your selection. However, with the large number of vegetarians—strict vegans in the Western sense—they have divided the sides into “veg” and “non-veg” so that the sides do not intermingle. Of course, there are also the Indian fusion sandwiches like the Paneer Tikka with mint chutney or Lamb Masala, which are incidentally quite good. If you would have told me that I’d be eating at Subway nearly 20 times over the past year, I’d have argued that there was no way. But in retrospect, it was actually quite decent and served a nice change of pace from time to time.

Why I Love this Time: While I have enjoyed the restaurants here in Chennai, I think more than the food itself—which is good, but upon reflection nothing particularly special (that is, the non-South Indian stuff)—is the service and people who work at these places we frequent. Kaia and I will miss them tremendously.

P. James Magic Show

2006-03-27T09:53:00.000+05:30

One of the first things that one notices in this city are the humungous advertisements on what seems to be every square inch of public space--Towering billboards promoting the latest in consumer goods, colorful wall paintings paying homage to a favorite Tamil film star, government signage urging citizens to practice traffic safety and family planning. If I could read Tamil, I would probably be more affected by the never-ending advertisements (which, incidentally if it hasn’t already started, I suspect advertising and marketing will be the next big outsourcing of Western business to capable Indian hands—these are VERY slick and professional done adverts). Though our regular driving pathways I have some to recognize how you can recognize the change in season, or time of year simply by being mindful of the change in billboards. More sari ads around Diwali, AC ads leading up to the hot (April-June) summer months, jewelry for wedding season. Yet, although the cost to advertise must be a fraction of the cost that it would be in say, a large Western metropolis, the cost is still prohibitive for most. Many still rely upon the more low-tech means of getting their name out. Perhaps the best example of this in Chennai is P. James, the magician.

It was back in the fall when I visited an area of the city that I had never been to before and saw the “P. James Magic Show” advert painted on a wall that I realized just how this fellow had really canvassed the city with his name and telephone number. Since that time I have kept a keen eye for his trademark black lettering that can, really, be just about anywhere; and that is what makes it both interesting and fun. In some ways it is a form of urban, guerrilla art, running counter to the professionally produced billboard ads. I particularly like it because whomever paints the ads (I have noticed new ones coming up here and there) is really consistent in their scripting. I would imagine that Mr. James is in a constant battle with the Public Works folks painting over his signs and, since his phone number is there, he is not hard to track down.

For Kaia and I, P. James has become sort of a mythical figure. A man who not only pulls cobras out of his mystery bag, but who can also materialize fire from his palms and saw Brahmin women in half. I still haven’t had the nerve to call him up, but intend to do so before we leave. I’d love to know what kind of response he gets from his ads and how he’s had to pay off the local authorities to keep them off his back. But then again, he’s a magician, so I’m sure he’s got the whole creating illusions and escaping danger thing down. While we’ll never likely be able to see his show in person, he’ll always be the great performer in our memories of Madras.

Why I Love this Time: Chocolate for breakfast!?! I don’t know if you could say that my parenting is getting better.

Dollar Store

2006-03-26T09:20:00.000+05:30

In the past few months, the discount retail trend so popular in the US and Japan has taken root in India—the $1 store. Of course, it is fundamentally strange to think shopping for American ‘discounts’ in India when one of the most striking things about living here is how you can find so many things at a fraction of the cost that you would spend for the same in the US. But what makes this so ironic is that, in fact, things are not priced at $1 each, but 100 rupees, which is about $2.25! For this reason, while much of the items are the kinds of surplus things that you find in a dollar store in the US—cleaning agents, sugar laden cereals, off-brand canned goods—shoppers here in India end up paying over TWICE the amount for the same crap! Now there is a business plan with serious hubris.

When we were living in Japan, the 100 yen store was one of our favorite places to shop. With Japan being so expensive, 100 yen stores are very popular among consumers and it is easy to see why folks shop there—I mean, why pay 500 yen for a pen, when you can get the same one for 100 yen down the street? However, here the rationale is completely different. Here the question is flipped, “why would you pay 100 rupees for a can of baked beans when you can pay 10 for the Indian equivalent?” This I do not know the answer to, but from the large crowds that I have seen in the store, there are more than a few people who seem to have the answer. Anyway, as a social scientist with an interest in globalization and the problem of cheap food, the Indian $1 store puts a new, different twist on the issue. The fact that folks are willing to pay so much for these ‘fluff foods’ and other cheap, poor quality items (even by Indian standards), is fascinating. Kaia and I ended up buying a small bottle of Gatorade, which like all other items was 100 rupees—hardly a bargain in the States!

Why I Love this Time: Sekar the ‘mouse’.

Bella Ciao

2006-03-25T06:44:00.000+05:30

What to say about Bella Ciao? After the nearly $1,000 dollars that we’ve spent at Akasaka over the past year, there is no other restaurant that has been the greater beneficiary of indiamama’s hard earned money. In our first days in the flat, pre-Joyce, Bello Ciao was our second (if not first) kitchen due to its good food and proximity to our place. We have come to recognize the subtleties of the penne with vodka sauce, spaghetti with pomodoro and basilica, the Bella Ciao salad and the brick oven pizzas. It is not great Italian food (and don’t you have to get homecooked to get great Italian?—like from our friend Costanza!), but good enough for us and always a breath of fresh air. The service has been good and they have home delivery, so it has become the default when we want a break from Indian food…

Why I Love this Time: Our evening walks to Bella Ciao along the beach.

Cough

2006-03-24T06:40:00.000+05:30

The last few days Kaia has been battling an ever increasing cough, which has been rough enough to disrupt his sleep and, naturally, indiapapa’s as well. I was monitoring its progression and today, when the hack had been joined by a runny nose, I decided to take him to a doctor. While some of indiapapa’s most devoted readers might recall a post about Dr. Sanjon John written just over one year ago, it is amazing how things have changed in that time. If you take the time to read that post and feel the anxiety of indiapapa’s first visit to an Indian clinic, you would be surprised that the same person confidently marched into a new Apollo Center (both new for us and new in the ‘brand spanking new building’ sense) to visit a new doctor—Dr. Latha—who was recommended second hand as a good pediatrician. The main attraction for us was that she was not a hour’s drive away on the other side of Chennai, but actually very close to Kids Central, nearly 1/3 of the distance from our place. We didn’t have many expectations, but any that we did were remarkably exceeded as she was really great. While Dr. John’s clinic has a bit of a rural, Spartan feel to it, this new Apollo medical center comes with all of the trimmings of any clinic that one might see in the US or Japan—all the way down to the children’s play area stocked with the most popular icons from the Cartoon Network. Anyway, more than the clinic itself, was the way that Dr. Latha made us all feel very comfortable, especially Kaia. And while she did make the minor mistake of offering him a play mask (we all know how much our little guys hates clowns and masks), her friendly disposition allowed her to perform the kind of routine tests that she needed to perform without any protests from Kaia. The photo to the left is of two of the very sweet nurses who were helping us.

The final verdict was a cold that had descended into the lungs, but was not likely an infection. She prescribed some medications and within a few days the cough was gone and our little champ was back to doing what he does best—laughing, dancing and keeping us alert at all times.

Why I Love this Time: The challenge of getting him to drink his medicines—and Joyce’s “lion/bear/mouse” eating and drinking game with him.

Joyce

2006-03-23T10:35:00.000+05:30

As our days wind down, it is becoming more and more sad that Kaia and Joyce will leave one another. He loves her so much and the feeling is likewise from her. Just this morning, he was distracted and wanting to play rather than eat breakfast, and she sat with him paying a game of “lion and mouse bites” where she got him to eat the entire plate. As the mother of three children, Joyce knows kids well, but even more than that, she has a very special way of meeting them at their level. While I sometimes struggle when Kaia is not ‘behaving’ (but simply being a 2 year old), Joyce has a bottomless reservoir of patience that never ceases to inspire me. I sometimes think what we did to be so fortunate to have her come into our lives as she has been the rock that he kept us all going. I can say without doubt that if she were not here, neither would we. Sometimes I think that she is like our Tamil Mary Poppins, coming in to lift our spirits and care for us in remarkable ways. While I don’t think she can fly, her regular visits to the temple and church to pray for our prosperity and safety surely puts her in the realm of gods. When I think about leaving, I wont really miss having to clean and cook again (frankly, I miss these things), but the incredible loss of love that she given Kaia and our family.

Why I Love this Time: For him to have been able to spend this time with her.

Cake Walk

2006-03-22T10:35:00.000+05:30

As in Japan, it is hard to come by good, hearty western-style breads here in Chennai. More common is the light, “Wonder bread” that makes for a decent grilled cheese, but remains nothing less than an unactualized, bleached Twinkie. While we love Indian breads, still there are times when we crave western breads—and frankly it is easier to pull out a piece from the freezer and throw it in the toaster than it is to fry up roti. Anyway, we have a favorite place that we go to get (at least) fresh white bread and pastries, called Cake Walk in Besant Nagar. The folks there are nice and we’ve ordered a few cakes from there—for Kaia and Indiamama’s birthdays—so they know us quite well. Kaia has his favorite muffins and a few months ago was introduced to the pleasure of donuts. Fortunately he eats everything and truly enjoys his food, otherwise I’d be a bit more concerned about his attraction to sweet things.

Why I Love this Time: Walking along the rutted sidewalk, past the stand with pirated DVDs and copied books, gingerly stepping past napping dogs to get a strawberry muffin.

Magnifying Glass

2006-03-21T10:34:00.000+05:30

Today Kaia received his first magnifying glass from yet another Kids Central birthday party favor. We did a little searching around for ants and other small creatures on the roof and the beach. He almost lost the magnifying glass when he decided that it was more interesting to carry two rocks instead, and we luckily found it after retracing our steps in the sand. The function of the magnifying glass got me thinking a bit more about this weblog and, as our time here winds down, how it has been a magnifier of sorts of our time here. As well, living here has magnified many of life’s challenges in ways that might not have been the case in other places. Even at times, like an ant under the glass of a young child it seems like I have felt the intense burn of the sun searing down upon our lives, threatening to burst us into flames. It is a dramatic analogy, but true.

Why I Love this Time: This time has not been easy, but it has been unforgettable.

Frogs

2006-03-20T10:34:00.000+05:30

This past weekend, we were given an assignment by one of Kaia’s teachers at Kids Central, Fauzi Auntie. In the year-end performance, Kaia is in the frog group and last Friday the five children in this group were learning and practicing their frog leaps. While the other children seemed to get the gist of how to get on all fours and jump, Kaia was determined to sit on his knees and jump like that. The teachers laughed at “Kaia doing his own thing” and tried to get him to understand that this way would hurt his knees, but yet he stubbornly kept ‘jumping’ from his knees. But here is the funny thing--When I asked him to demonstrate to me his frog leap, I was impressed that it really looked more like a frog than in the all fours position! Regardless, there is the need for uniformity among the performing children, so Fauzi asked me to work with Kaia over the weekend to improve his jumping. So, from Friday afternoon on, we hopped around the house together. Make that, I hopped and Kaia laughed at me. Indiamama prepared a nice costume for him over the weekend as well, with flipper stockings. After some practice, by Monday morning, he had gotten used to the different style and we hopped around together a big papa bullfrog and his tiny jumper.

Why I Love this Time: How he knows where all of the working cement mixers are in our area.

Habitat

2006-03-19T10:40:00.000+05:30

Tyrone and Ravi, the two senior managers at Habitat, have big smiles in the accompanying photo, and well they should. According to them, over the last fiscal year (it ends in March here) we have purchased more furniture than any other customer (and this is one of the best known furniture stores in the city)! While others may have spent more money, the close to ten pieces (not including the eight dining chairs) that we bought have done wonders for clearing their inventory. As you might imagine we’ve become quite close to these folks and learned early on that the name of the game at Habitat is to bargain, and bargain hard. Whatever the price tag says (yes, they actually put price tags on the items) you can start the negotiations at 40% of that price and work your way up from there. Of course, there is a greater chance of getting your price if you purchase more things, and most of our purchases have been of multiple items. The items at Habitat seem to match the tastes of Indiamama quite well and Tyrone has a nice way (obviously very convincing) of explaining the history of various pieces. Most of the things that we have bought from Habitat are old pieces where the wood has been ‘reclaimed’ from homes that were demolished. This wood, an Indian teak called “shesham”, grows in higher elevations of the Himalaya and many of our pieces are made from original pieces that used Nepali trees. As for the sustainability of the tree harvesting, this I cannot say for sure, but at least when you Google “shesham clear cut” or “shesham deforestation” you don’t read about how folks are being displaced or massive erosion problems. And, hey, if Google doesn’t catch it, it doesn’t exist. Right?

Kaia’s favorite part of being at Habitat is their large, air conditioned, carpet room. Generally we visit Habitat on a day where we’re hitting other places and this means a lot of time in the car and stores where there are a lot of breakables or other stuff that he shouldn’t be getting into (although the patience of Indian folks doesn’t make you feel uncomfortable having a small child while shopping). The carpet room at Habitat, however, is a place where he can run around on thousand dollar rugs (!) and climb on the rolled up carpets. For as much as we enjoy being able to have him run around, it seems like the staff at Habitat are equally entertained by his antics.

As much as any place in Chennai, we’ll remember Habitat simply due to the fact that we have so many pieces of furniture to remind us. When we moved here, we were only ‘allowed’ (read: our shipping allowance covered) to take a few boxes, so basically we had to fully furnish our place with local things. Since there is little to no resale market, we made the decision to spend a bit more money and purchase very nice things that we would keep and ship back. Fortunately for us, the shipping policy changed while we’ve been here, so all of the things that we have purchased here will be covered. Now the next questions are: finding a place in the US that will fit all of our new things and what to do with all of our things in storage that just don’t really hold their salt when compared to the antiques we’re coming home with…

Little Italy

2006-03-19T10:37:00.000+05:30

A few months ago we discovered a great restaurant, not far from Habitat, called Little Italy. They use a lot of imported ingredients and, I suspect, have some growers that they’ve contracted with to provide them with basil, arugula and other greens that you rarely find in local markets. The food is quite good, with a nice selection of pizzas, pastas and salads, but what makes it is most appealing to us (of course) is how the staff relates to Kaia. Just like in other places, Kaia is greeted like a VIP and immediately whisked away while we order our food in a rare, peaceful moment. Of course, he comes back excited—and with fistfuls of sweets—so there generally is some price to pay with having to deny him some things. But in all, it is a great place to dine with him.

Toys Kemp

2006-03-19T10:33:00.000+05:30

When Kaia was expanding his vocabulary, just a few weeks after arriving here, he would often say, what I heard as “tus kumpf” whenever we would drive in a particular part of the Nungambakkam area. It took me some time to realize that he was referencing the large toy store, Toys Kemp, where we had visited one day. Just in the last year, I have noticed how Toys Kemp has expanded its inventory and selection. Like many retail outlets in Chennai, they are the beneficiaries of a growing number of wealthy consumers and you can see on their shelves (with many prices that are the same as you would pay in the

) that these folks have children. Since the quality of many of the toys sold in

India

is substandard, and safety basically non-existent, many of the cheaper things are simply not worth buying because they will fall apart so quickly and/or present a dozen ways for your child to injure themselves. I am acutely aware that my safety standards have dropped significantly since I’ve been living here—and I don’t know if that is a good or a bad thing….

Why I Love this Time: Kokosweto music.

Photo Shoot at Studio K

2006-03-18T20:47:00.000+05:30

We got our photos back today from the Studio K shoot and they turned out really nice. Here are just a few of them...For those of you reading along in Chennai, the folks at Studio K are really terrific and make the experience very memorable. You bring your own (2) outfits and the sitting takes about 2-3 hours. The entire cost is only Rs. 5,160 (with tax) and you get 8, 8"x10" prints AND a CD with those photos in electronic form. You just can't beat it for something that you would pay ten times the amount for in the States (and not be nearly as pleased).

Bye-Bye Auntie Brynne

2006-03-16T09:24:00.000+05:30

Today was a very challenging day for Kaia—lots of fussiness and impatience—and I think that it has to do with the fact that his Auntie Brynne is getting on a plane this evening. He has been with her for nearly three weeks and they have developed a very close bond and even an evening ritual that has been very welcomed in this household—playtime, bathtime, “Kaia burrito” time, and storytime. He will miss her tremendously, I think, but it is tempered by the trip to Hawaii we have scheduled in a few months with all of the family to celebrate Kaia’s 3^rd We are all very excited about it. Having Auntie Brynne here was a really special and memorable time and we had a chance to do some fun things together like the family photo shoot In all, it was a great time and we will miss her very, very much.

Why I Love this Time: With all the anxiety that accompanies this transition, also comes a strong sense that we are engaging life and embracing the messiness of living. It isn’t easy and certainly is not for everyone, but for those who can meet it head on and not turn back, there are very true signals that you are very much alive in such challenge.

Beach Walks

2006-03-14T17:15:00.000+05:30

As our time here in Chennai winds down, it is appropriate to reflect on the events and small activities that we’ll miss and that will certainly linger in our memory as

India

recedes into the past. For certain one of these things is our early evening walk on the beach, buying peanuts, flying kites, eating deep fried chili peppers and hearing all the now familiar and comforting sounds of the Indian beach scene. We have been very fortunate to live so close to the ocean and, while it has meant done a real number on anything metallic, at around 5:15pm, the scene outside our window is transformed into a bustling mecca for those seeking some space and the cooling ocean breeze. Our strip of beach is very popular with local folks—and not foreigners—so it is spared the ubiquitous hawkers and aggressive beggars who glom onto non-Indians and can quickly sour a leisurely time. The scene at our stretch of beach is much more locally flavored: vendors selling food from carts—from Cup ‘o Noodles to “American Organic Sweet Corn” (which incidentally is REALLY good with the masala seasoning!)—balloons shaped in odd configurations that lose their air in about 24 hours, children flying ingeniously made, makeshift kites, people of all ages…it is a truly wonderful time to be outside and sharing space with people living their lives. It is during these times that I feel the most connected to our place and this country that has become home to us. We now see the same folks, share greetings (and Kaia, peanuts), and visit the beach temple on a regular basis. We even have familiarize ourselves with the mangy stray dogs that call this slice of Chennai home. The one in this shot is the one I think looks a bit like a water buffalo. Anyway, Kaia and I are really going to miss these times. In fact, as I’m writing this, Kaia is getting his shoes and socks ready so that we can go down to the beach…

Why I Love this Time: Peanuts wrapped in a newspaper cone.

Special Puja

2006-03-13T10:55:00.000+05:30

Today we watched a morning special puja that a local temple was holding at the beach. It was a very memorable experience. In fact, I just sort of stumbled upon in, walking back from my morning run and was so intrigued by what was going on, that I had to go get Kaia. By the time that I got there, there were about 55 stainless steel jars, each filled with water and topped by a coconut and what, I think was a neem leaf, lined up on a small platform that someone had shaped out of sand. The priests were chanting the names of the people who had paid to participate in this special event and a crowd of about 100 people had gathered around the vessels. I certainly stood out in my running garb among the saffron dhotis and colorful saris, so a woman handed me a paper (in Tamil) that, presumably, explained what was going on. Of course, it would not be until after I got home and I could ask questions of Joyce, that the full picture became clear about the event.

Shortly after I arrived on the scene, the head priest began a sort of liturgy where people responded by repeating certain things he was saying. Of course, I was no less lost than I would be in a Catholic mass, but when people started to kneel and bow in the sand, I definitely needed to (literally) take a step back and get a less intimate view. It was soon after the liturgy was finished that one of the other priests (there were about 15 in all) started to wail and sway violently from side to side. It looked like he was having some sort of seizure, and when it escalated to rolling down shoreline into the surf with arms flailing, I was sure that he was possessed. As it turns out, this is a sign that the god they are doing this puja for has “arrived”. That is, the liturgy is to invite the god to join them and unless it manifests itself in a human being, the ceremony cannot begin. Makes we wonder if the god ever does NOT show up, but who am I to nitpick. It was funny because the first thing is my mind when I was watching this unfurl was how some of the other priests has this look like, “He’s so lucky that he got to be the one possessed by God.”

After the rites and rituals were completed, a group of drummers and two horn players seemingly materialized from thin air and started really jamming. This was when I knew I had to get Kaia. I ran up to our place, to find that he was already watching and listening from the window. We quickly changed clothes and then ran back to follow the, now moving procession back to the temple from where they came. We walked with them for about a mile before we were too tired and needed to head back. As we were walking together, I realized yet again how much I will miss living here and this time together. You are not going to find this kind of thing coming home from a morning run in Seattle, that’s for sure. India has so many things going on. So many lives being led. So many stories to experience. I am so thankful that I have been able to share this with Kaia and will miss it more than I can ever adequately express.

Why I Love this Time: I finally caught the paper man on video!

Swimming and Photos

2006-03-12T10:31:00.000+05:30

Today we did two things that we’re been meaning to do for some time—take a dip in the Le Royal Meridien hotel and have a formal family portrait taken at Studio K. The first activity has been predicted on our next door neighbor being the President/Chairman of the hotel and—to put it in crass terms—have yet to take him up on his hospitality. In terms of our regular luxury hotel haunts in the city, the Meridien is not high on the list, mostly due to the fact that it is further away than most others. We actually went there for an odd, if disappointing Christmas Eve dinner, but had not been back since. Today, along with Auntie Brynne, we escaped from the mounting Chennai humidity into their nice outdoor pool. Unlike some pools in the city (like the Park Sheraton) where the depth goes to like 12 feet!?!, the Meridien pool is fully “walkable” which makes it nice for carrying Kaia around. It did bring back fond memories of our old Club and Kaia even asked, “Papa, where’s the statue?” in reference to the statues that we used to splash there. After about an hour of lounging and frequently
freaking out by Kaia’s all-too-close forays with dropping into the pool, we enjoyed a nice lunch at the hotel’s coffee shop, Cappuccino.

At 4:00pm we had an appointment at Studio K, the first and only “modern”, professional portrait studio in the city. For some time we had the idea that we wanted to recognize our time here with a formal family portrait, dressed in full Indian garb. That Kaia’s Auntie was in town made for a perfect time to motivate and make it happen. I was pretty worried, since the appointment was scheduled during Kaia’s nap time, but was hoping that we could manipulate the timing of things—not to mention the power of chlorine in the eyes to initiate sleep!—so that he’d actually wake up before 4:00. It was looking a bit shaky when we left the hotel at 2:00pm, but after some comforting Bharatayanatyam music (his favorite) on the iPod, he was
fast asleep. We did, in fact, wake up just before 4:00pm…it is so funny how you life becomes ruled by nap time and devising ways to get around it so that you can still have a life. As further evidence of his musical interest, here he is with his new toy—a wooden flute.

Anyway, the photo shoot was really fun and memorable. For about $120 (including 10 8x12 photos and a CD with the images) you have a 2-3 hour session with a really great photographer and amazing professional hair and makeup people. I wasn’t expecting that it would be so formal, but they really did a great job with Auntie Brynne and indiamama’s makeup and hair, even helping them to get into the saris just perfectly. There were certainly times when I felt like we were preparing for a wedding! Kaia had on his new kurta (although we all had a change of clothes for the different shots) and we enjoyed watching the ladies get ready.

Inside the studio, everything looked the same, except for one big difference—mounted on the ceiling was a huge plasma screen television that allows you to see the photos immediately after the shot is taken. It was quite helpful to see. Kaia did a pretty good job for a 3 hours photo session, although the lollipop that I gave him in-between shots made the second one a bit sugar fueled. In the end, you sit in another room with a large plasma screen and select the 8-10 shots that you want. It is a really nice, and quick, process that towers over any other formal sittings that I have done in the past. The shots will be ready on Friday, and they came out really nice, everyone looks great and there are some with Kaia that are truly him. It was a great experience and, afterwards, when we all went out to dinner at a local hotel, there were so many heads turning at who these people were dressed so formally like Indians!?! It was a very memorable night on the town.

Why I Love this Time: How with each day you can hold more complicated conversations together. It never ceases to amaze me about how quickly these little people develop.

Great-Grandma Yamamoto

2006-03-11T09:39:00.000+05:30

Since we’ve been in India, Kaia has lost two of the four great-grandparents who were living at his birth. Last August, indiamama’s grandmother passed away after a long illness, she was 92. In December, indiapapa’s Grandpa Uyesugi returned to his place in centerfield at the age of 87. Without question it has been difficult being so far away from family during these times of mourning and loss. Over the past few months, Kaia’s great-grandma Yamamoto has been very ill and her days on this Earth are winding down as well as her kidneys rapidly breakdown. I don’t know if we will be able to say goodbye to her in person—as many family and friends have been able to do at her home in Laguna Hills, California—but she holds a special place in our hearts and, at 90 years old, has lived a full, exemplary life where family always came first.

Growing up, I spent much less time with my dad’s parents than my mother’s parents. This is not to say that I didn’t see them that regularly, but whereas I would see my Uyesugi grandparents every week, I might see my Yamamoto grandparents every few months. They lived 45 minutes away from our home in Laguna Beach and for a young child, it might as well be the other side of the world. For this reason, I was never particularly close to my Grandma Yamamoto when I was young. However, there were three incidents in my adult life that would lead to a change; where I would come to see her in a different light and deepen my love and respect for her.

The first was as a university student where I had the epiphany that happens to many Nikkei sansei and yonsei folks where you learn that the “camp” consistently referred to among extended family conversations and general references (“He was in Tulare, wasn’t he?”) was not of the summer variety with swimming holes and arts and crafts, but with barbed wire and dusty barracks where civil liberties were as remote as the camp location. In 1941, by the time that the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor my Grandmother was caring for three children under the age of seven, with one about five months along in her belly. After she gave birth to my dad in April of the following year, she would not return to the comforts of the family home, but to a relocation center where the family was preparing to be shipped off to the desert. Not long after ‘settling’ into a their new tar papered ‘home’, her husband was taken away by armed guards in the middle of the night, not to be heard from for months. Here she was, four kids, in the dark as to the whereabouts and safety of her husband and living in bleak concentration camp. When I learned about the details of the story during my undergraduate years, I turned to my grandparents and wondered how they could not be angry at what the United States had done to them. Their “shoganai” (nothing can be done) response initially seemed unsatisfying to me, but over time I began to understand things differently. As a parent I could see how important it was for her to maintain her strength and composure in the face of this terrible injustice. As a partner I could only imagine what it would be like to lose your spouse during such a time. I can remember coming back from the birth center, hours after Kaia’s birth and having this momentary wave of terror wash over me as I realized that this little creature was full dependent upon me. Of course, this was in the comforts of my own home, surrounded by more baby gadgets than one can ever need. My fears and insecurities are quite embarrassing when I contemplate my grandmother’s strength in the face of tremendous adversity.

The second moment that brought me closer to my grandmother happened once I became interested in farming. Her and her husband were small truck farmers for many years, growing all kinds of row crops from collards greens to strawberries. When I started farming in 1995, my grandfather was still alive, albeit very weak and bedridden. After I began bringing by boxes of the organic fruits and vegetables from my farm my grandparents looked at me with equal parts disbelief and concern (Did we work this hard so that our progeny would still be small farmers?!?) and in fact, the last words that my grandfather said to me, literally on his deathbed, were “hyakusho no seikatsu, dame!” (The farmer’s life is very bad!). My grandmother was less direct, but often would ask me if I really wanted to be a farmer. I tried to explain about my approach to agriculture from the community development and education side, but years of rolling the dice on farming commodities that would result in little money even in the best years, had given her a very hardened, pragmatic perspective. But once we moved beyond the incredulity, there were things that we were able to share about her expert knowledge related to bugs and fertilizers that no one else in the family could truly appreciate. These are some of the fondest interactions that I ever had with her.

The final incident that brought my grandmother and I closer together was when I married indiamama. Although my grandmother is a second generation Japanese American, she speaks fluent Japanese as a result of being married to a Japanese immigrant. While there are many in my family who can converse in Japanese, there are no native speakers other than my wife, so from the very beginning there connection between them. As well, my wife developed a closeness to her (and to all of my Japanese speaking grandparents) by virtue of this shared language--although at times it was really old-school, pre-war Japanese that she was shocked that they used! From the first time Kaia met her, they immediately bonded and her was laughing and smiling in her lap. We are hopeful that we will be able to say goodbye to her in person when we return to the US. We love you grandma and Kaia sends his kisses.

Why I Love this Time: Runaway caterpillars and worms from our potted “Christmas Tree”.

Parent-Teacher Conference

2006-03-10T12:43:00.000+05:30

I think that one of the more overlooked milestones in one’s development as a parent is the first parent-teacher conference. For the first time, you are hearing feedback from someone who has spent significant time with your child, who is not a close relation or (necessarily) friend and who has a great deal of professional experience from which to draw upon in their assessment of your child. As much as I would like to claim that I understand Kaia as well as anyone, there are certainly aspects to his character that I just don’t see. I mean how many parents can really be objective about their own children? Anyway, yesterday was our first parent-teacher conference with Kaia’s teachers at Kids Central and it was quite memorable. Kaia stayed at home with his Auntie, preparing “food for dinner” (see photo) while we attended.

Our meeting was scheduled from 2:50pm to 3:10pm and it was required that both parents attend. My wife left work early to be there in time and I met her there after finally getting our car back from the mechanic. I thought that I had arrived early when I got there at 2:40, but indiamama was already upstairs with the other teachers and I went up to meet them. When I walked in I was a bit surprised—all six of the teachers (Sindu, Fauzi, Prithi, Asha, Raeni and Nasira) and Valli, the Director of Kids Central—were there seated around a kids’ sized table in a semi-circle, with Kaia’s mama facing them all, and next to her an open, children’s chair for me. It initially struck me like an oral examination—one of the awful academic nature—but after a few pleasantries it was clear that this was not a place that we’d be defending anything.

They had prepared two pages of notes regarding Kaia’s development and behavior over the past three months and we went down the sheet, one by one. This was their last conference after three days of meetings with parents, so they were all looking a bit haggard, but still all of them were very present and excited about passing on their stories about Kaia. While I could write a great deal about all of the things that they said about the Little Bear, I’ll summarize the main points below with, if available, a little anecdote.

Independent: This was the first thing that they told us about Kaia. According to his teachers, he is very capable in his ability to work on projects by himself and without a great deal of repeated instruction. This didn’t surprise me since he does a lot of activities at home like this (puzzles, blocks, pretend cooking, etc.). Furthermore, children at this age not yet fully aware of other children and often play in parallel universes. So, the fact that he is independent now might change significantly in the next year.

Patient and Attentive: As a part of the first point about independence, Kaia has an unusual patience and attention span for working on things that he is interested in—like puzzles, drawing, reading, etc. Generally, he will try to problem-solve multiple times (like trying different interlocking pieces in a puzzle) and not get frustrated or impatient. As well, he’s not easily distracted and can come back to activities.

Love for Learning: His teachers said that he really loves to learn about new things. This term the theme has been bugs and insects and he has really taken to it—even excitedly spotting the many cockroaches, worms and ants in our flat. I do hope that this is something that we can help to nourish so that it will last his entire life.

Advanced: His main teacher, Fauzi, laughed when she recalled how Kaia often will give her this face when she tries to engage him in an activity that may be too easy for him. She interprets this as him wanting something a bit more challenging—something like, “Why do you want me to count to ten? Don’t you know that I can do that already?” Of course, being ‘advanced’ at this age is, I think, relative to what the child has been exposed to thus far. Kaia has been counting and reading for some time, but it is because we have encouraged him to do so with us. The fact that another 2 ½ year old doesn’t count or know the alphabet is less about nature than nurture, I would say. Yet it does highlight that we will need to make sure that Kaia is consistently challenged

Off-beat: One things that Kaia’s teachers underscored, all in a positive light, is that Kaia is a very unique child for his age. Valli called him “off-beat” and was specifically talking about his quiet engagement, other odd interests—like Carnatic music (Bharatanayam).

A Pensive Observer: For those of you who know Kaia, you know that he’s been this way since Day One of his life. He watches and he listens, and many not talk at all, but this should not be misinterpreted as a lack of engagement. He takes it all in and, apparently, is the same way at Kids Central. This behavior, however, is linked to the next observation by his teachers.

Drawn to Artistic and Intellectual Pursuits: Like we have observed at home, Kaia is very drawn to artistic and intellectual pursuits. He has never been a ‘rough and tumble’, physical boy, but one who prefers to stare at things he finds interesting (like the bullock cart display at Kids Central and the pieces of straw coming out) and gently interacting with other children.

Doesn’t like being in the spotlight: Everyday, they have “circle time” when all of the children get together—about 40 in all. At this time, some will share about their fun in their lives (trips, fun things they did, etc) or simply talk about whatever is on their mind. Sometimes, teachers will ask children questions and when this comes to Kaia, he just clams up. They know that he knows how to respond (what did you do this weekend Kaia?) but he is just not yet comfortable speaking in this environment.

Process-Oriented: While some children are quick to get to the end of tasks (worksheets, for example) Kaia seems to be methodical in getting things done. They showed us the different worksheet activities that he’s done over the past three months and it was really interesting. For example, in some of the matching exercises he’s done, he is very careful not to cross the lines and will even go way around to make sure that they don’t.

Other tidbits:

Has decided that he will not go to the bathroom at Kids Central:
Particular activities that he enjoys: Cobra book, bug scrapbook, puzzle room.
He has been having separation difficulties with Joyce since we told him that we were leaving India last week. Whenever she drops him off now, he cries and doesn’t want to leave her.

After the meeting, we had really wished that we had taped it for posterity sake. It was such a wonderful affirmation of our decision to send Kaia to Kids Central during our time in Chennai and it was such an important part of our lives and his development. It is emotional to think about taking him away from his “Kids C” and the terrific teachers who have truly loved and cared for him. I don’t really know what to expect when we get back to the US, but I do have some anxiety that we’ll be unable to find a place as nice as Kids Central has been…

But what to make of all this? If you’ve read this far you may think that I am the typical over-ebullient parent who pines for a ‘gifted child’. But I don’t know. It is really wonderful to hear that your child is developing well, but at the same time it poses some real challenges ahead for our parenting—will we be able to provide him with the right environment for him to flourish? Even more than this, however, is how frightening the similarities are between Kaia and indiapapa at this young age. We are not entirely the same, however (I think he laughs and is, generally, a much more gregarious personality than I ever was), but the 90/10 personality split between me and my wife certainly makes him tilt toward me. I have really mixed feelings about this because I know how difficult my childhood was at times due to my pensiveness. Yet, at the same time, I think I can help to put him in situations where he can flourish and still grow his really sweet, social side. So many challenges, this parenting thing.

Why I Love this Time: Experiences like this one that can only be truly appreciated by me and one other person.

Bathtime with Auntie Brynne

2006-03-09T11:08:00.000+05:30

Recently Kaia has been enjoying bathtime with his Auntie. During this time that she’s been here they have developed a very close bond and he really, really loves her. In this photo they are counting piggies and enjoying bathtime in ways not seen since the Japanese ofuro.

Why I Love this Time: Witnessing Kaia’s deep capacity to laugh and love.

Portrait of the Artist as a Young Boy

2006-03-07T10:43:00.000+05:30

It has been some time since Kaia and I have spent the afternoon painting. Indicative of the speed in which this time in India has sped by, while I hadn’t thought it was so long, it turns out that it was nearly a year ago—last May, that we took up the brush together. Since that time, of course, he has enjoyed painting at Kids Central and brought home a number of pieces, including the work at left of “snakes eating olives”. Yesterday I decided to break out the painting stuff because his nap only lasted 30 minutes and we needed some fun stuff to do inside during the heat of the afternoon. As we were taking the various brushes and jars out (and he was literally jumping up and down with excitement saying “painting! painting!”) I was really impressed with how much he’d changed since the last time we’d painted. Whereas the last time he was wielding the brush with blunt strokes, this time he was very gentle with his dips and even knew how to take excess paint off by using the edge of the paint jar. When I asked him where he learned to do this, he laughed and said, “At Kids C papa!”

He really seems to love his painting, but where it became really fun for him was when I let him dip his hands into the paint. I assume that they don’t take this reckless approach at Kids Central for obvious reasons, but it was really fun to watch him explore the sensation of paint on his hands and how he could make his mark. Once he learned that he could make his mark all over his body, it was all downhill from there. I kept thinking about Arrested Development and Tobias’ Blue Man Group hand print all over the Bluth model or the boy-sized Incredible Hulk as he was slathering himself in the “ink”, giggling all the way. It was really funny. Closer to home, it reminded me a bit of Holi, the festival of color—well, at least if he had a few more hues to paint himself with. Anyway, what it all resulted in was a really fun piece of art that will adorn our walls for years to come. Still he hasn’t given it a name, so we’re just calling it “snakes eating Kaia’s hand” for now.

Why I Love this Time: The routine of going to the nearby temple at dusk.

Cedars and Hip Asia

2006-03-06T10:44:00.000+05:30

Because we eat out so regularly, I had thought about doing entries for each of the restaurants that we frequent. This is mostly because Kaia has become a familiar face to many and is almost greeted in a “Cheers, Norm like” fashion with “Hello Kaia!” and lots of pinches on the cheek. Indiapapa is but an accessory to all of this. Anyway, while I don’t think that I’ll get to all of the places, I thought that I would start with two places that we really like: Cedars and Hip Asia.

Cedars is a Mediterranean restaurant located very close to Kids Central in the neighborhood of Kotturpuram. We first were brought to it for the Sunday brunch menu of pitas, hummus, chicken shwarma and a whole host of other treats, but what ultimately has brought us back time and time again has been the Rs. 395 ($9) ‘unlimited’ dinner special. This special offers a great change of pace to the typical South Indian fare of masala dosais and spicy chutneys, with a wide range of dips and salads seasoned with refreshing mints and tangy flavors. The unlimited consists of six courses:

the first, a salad with cucumbers, tomatoes, pita chips, and oil;
the second, six dips--garlic cream, hummus, baba ganoush, tabuleh, spicy pepper, and pomegranate--with hot pita breads;
the third, kababs—paneers, mushrooms, peppers, fish, chicken and lamb
the fourth—chicken swarma pita sandwich or falafel, depending on if you order the ‘veg’ or ‘non-veg’ course;
the fifth—marinated mushrooms
the sixth—bread pudding and a marbled biscotti drenched in chocolate sauce.

Of course, being that it is the ‘unlimited’ if you want more of anything, all you have to do is ask and within minutes your bowl is filled right back up. Kaia, amazingly, eats everything—from the mushrooms to the falafel—even, at times, more than us! We go here about every three weeks and the staff—Selvam, Gabriel, Ravi—are always very warm and helpful. We’ll miss this place.

Hip Asia is located in the Taj Connemara hotel, one of the most luxurious hotels in Chennai. They’ve caught the wave of south-east Asian food trend that is sweeping many places (does Seattle really need a Thai restaurant on EVERY block?) and created a menu that incorporates the cuisines of Thailand, Vietnam and Malaysia. Expectedly, there’s lots of curries and they do a good job with those—but there is also teppanyaki grill, which makes up for its cultural incongruity with its Benihana-like chefs and availability of Japanese rice. It is pretty expensive to get items from the teppanyaki bar (about Rs.300 ($7) for a shrimp fried rice), but for a family craving Japanese rice, it is well worth it. What makes Hip Asia so attractive has been this “Hip Lunch” where you can taste a lot of the menu for only Rs. 395 ($9). At first, before the concept was really refined, you could order anything off of the menu—as many dishes as you wanted for the Rs. 395! Of course, since then they’ve wised up a bit and limited the number of selections, but it is still a great menu to eat from. Kaia usually is happy with the fried rice, but also the spring rolls and pandanas chicken. Like Cedars, the staff are very friendly and really love Kaia. In the photo here, you can see two of the teppanyaki chefs teaching Kaia how to season fried rice.

Why I Love this Time: I wonder how this boy’s extended palette will translate into a lifetime of eating pleasure…

Fight On

2006-03-05T11:06:00.000+05:30

Kaia’s Grandme and Grandpapa (as well as his great-grandparents and host of other relatives) are USC fans and graduates. I can remember being a young (and then, only) child attending games with my folks and my grandfather listening to all of the games (even basketball?!?) on the radio, regardless if he was at a wedding, funeral or movie. Along with Auntie Brynne came Kaia’s first piece of USC paraphernalia—a baseball cap—and here he is trying to do the USC “V for Victory” sign. It is not to be confused with what he may be doing to the camera in about 10 years.

Why I Love this Time: My ‘look’ has become refined enough so that words are not even necessary when I want to tell him that he’s doing something that he shouldn’t be.

Out on the Town

2006-03-04T11:01:00.000+05:30

Not much to write about, but I did want to post this really cute photo of Kaia and his Auntie Brynne. We’re all having a great time and today did quite of bit of shopping for saris, dhotis, books, music and play-doh. All of it made for a nice nap in Sethu Uncle’s Ambassdor…

Why I Love this Time: His knowledge of this crazy city and all its landmarks.

Kids Central and Birthdays

2006-03-02T18:31:00.000+05:30

It only seems like it, but I could swear and there are birthday parties every day at Kids Central. Just this week there have been three—which means birthday cake at snack time and a small gift for each child upon leaving. Some parents really go all out and considering that there are over 50 children attending, this can be a big expensive. This week Kaia has received a kid-sized umbrella, tattoo set (see photo) and lots and lots of candy. What’s a sweet withholding inclined parent to do? Actually the tattoos were really funny during lunch as Kaia kept looking down at his arms, admiring the ‘art’ on his body and looking up with a big smile as if to say, “these are REALLY cool!”

Why I Love this Time: I didn’t realize that little kids can say things over and over and over and over and over again with so much energy and speed. I don’t know how many times I have heard “Kaia want it”…

Strangers and Knuckles

2006-03-01T18:12:00.000+05:30

One of the things that I will really miss about being here is how friendly ‘strangers’ are, especially to little children. I am reminded of this every time we take a walk on the beach where we are met with so many smiles and waves—not to mention the pinching of Kaia’s cheeks. I don’t know how much Kaia likes the attention, but he’s generally a good sport—answering the common “what’s your name” with a confident “Kaia”. There have been some really memorable encounters with strangers and Kaia—there was the time I thought an approaching woman was going to ask for money as she extended her hand toward us in that familiar pose, but then with cat-like reflexes pinched Kaia’s cheek and kept walking—but the other day something happened that really surprised me.

We were at the nearby temple and Kaia was doing his routine of bowing and walking around the temple in circles. After finishing there were some women that were all looking at him with these huge, glowing smiles. One of them walked up to him and didn’t just pinch his cheek (which she did) and kiss her fingers (as most people do after the pinch). She pinched with both hands and then immediately, with both hands, cracked her knuckles with a good deal of force on the side of her head. It struck me as a very odd gesture and somewhat disarming—seeing a person touch your child and then pound their head isn’t something you expect to see. The next day I asked Joyce what this meant and she ask me, “who did that!?!” I explained the situation and she told me that it is something that people only do when they see, what they consider to be, an extraordinarily beautiful child. Because it is considered to be bad form in the face of god to speak how a child is cute or precious, people’s feelings are expressed in the kissing of the hand which has touched the child or, in this case, a cracking of the knuckles on the side of the head. It did strike me when she did it as something that a slightly crazy person would do (she looked a bit wild while doing it)—I guess that she was just saying that she was ‘crazy’ for Kaia. I really love little things like this about this country.

Why I Love this Time: A unique and humorous event that will happen from time to time is that Kaia will find Joyce’s bindi stuck in random places around the flat. Just in the last week, Kaia has found one affixed on the side of a door and another on the patio where we dry clothes. While there are some bindis that are large, Joyce wears a small bindi, about the size of Kaia’s fingernail—and it is easy for them to get misplaced and fall off from time to time. It has become a minor sport for Kaia to find “Joycee’s bindeee” and affix them back between her eyebrows. Sometimes he’ll even put them on himself. It is really funny.

Auntie Brynne

2006-02-28T22:04:00.000+05:30

On Sunday night Kaia’s Auntie Brynne arrived after a long trip from California. Kaia has been looking forward to seeing her for some time—particularly since she was coming with all kinds of presents in tow! Since she works at Trader Joe’s she brought all kinds of great gourmet food stuffs that we have been craving: chocolates, tortilla chips, salami, wine—it has been a real feast the last few days. Kaia too has been really excited ever since he woke up yesterday morning to find her here. She been fighting off a cold since before she got here, but Kaia has pushed her to get well fast with repeated calls to “play Auntie Brynne” and jumps on her chest. Brynne will be here for another 2 ½ weeks during which time she’ll be also working at Izumi’s hospital (she’s training to be a nurse practitioner) and getting a feel for our lives here in Chennai. Kaia is very happy about this as are we.

We spent this evening on the beach, introducing Auntie Brynne to some of the local sights (the sea temple), sounds (peanut man’s bell), and tastes (deep fried chili peppers). As you can see, a few typical ‘friends’ also introduced themselves to her.

Why I Love this Time: Kaia LOVES jackfruit—the huge spiky and ill-smelling fruit—and since it is back in season it is so funny to watch him grub down large bowls of it while doing the “jackfruit dance”. This is a little jig that involves a pirouette and two bunny hops.

Community Event

2006-02-26T09:44:00.000+05:30

Each term at Kids Central there is a school wide community event. Last term, if you remember, it was held at a nearby palace along the Adyar river, quite an impressive location. This time it was at a more humble locale—the Kids Central grounds. This term’s theme is “bugs and insects” and children and parents were asked to come dressed up in appropriate themed attire. Conveniently, Kaia has his grasshopper shirt so he was decked out in that, and his mama made us all antennae so that we could attend as a bug family. Being that it was from 400-530pm, Kaia’s typical nap time, he wasn’t in the most energetic of moods (although he hasn’t taken a proper nap in about a week), so it was close to papa most of the time. It being India and all, there was a snake charmer there with a cobra and ‘pet’ lizard tied up to a pole (I’d never seen such things before coming here), as well as face painting and themed food (‘squid sputum’, ‘ladybug pizza’, etc). One of the things that I will really miss about Kids Central is the great diversity of children and families. So many little critters from all over the world interacting with one another….it is really fun to be a part of.

Why I Love this Time: Being reminded that I should be more mindful and appreciative of these last days here with him....what a unique gift this experience has been.

The Crippled Papa

2006-02-23T11:02:00.000+05:30

Much has been made here in this weblog about illness. Without a doubt, the past year I have been more chronically ill with this and that nagging virus and bacteria than ever before. You can’t blame it all on the typical culprits such as compromised water, as Kaia’s entry into school has opened our home to the host of necessary childhood illnesses. But whatever the source of infection, being sick has made parenting here very challenging. I have come to expect being sick every 3 weeks or so--just last week I was wondering when the next wave was going to hit our family—and, unfortunately, something always comes around, just like clockwork. The most recent unwanted visitor was an intense gastro-intestinal attack that (literally) uncomfortably close to the symptoms of cholera. The fact that it lasted for nearly four full days told me that it wasn’t the typically food poisoning, and the fact that I couldn’t leave the house because I was ‘incapacitated’ every 15-20 minutes, well that told me that this was going to be a painful ride. Indeed it was, regardless if it brought me closer to one of my favorite novels ever.

There are a few things that I am quite certain that I will not miss when I leave here: the frequency of stomach problems, power surges and cuts that fry electronic devices, our leaking air conditioner that makes the bedroom marble floor a major hazard, and mosquitoes—make that, MOSQUITOES. You could probably add to that, indiamama’s long business trips, and you would have had the perfect storm of a nightmare evening the other night. I wont waste time describing it—indeed I’d like to just forget it—but you can imagine how it was with my condition and her being away in Delhi. Not a fun time.

When I’m sick I often find myself resorting to parenting in a way that I don’t really like—more ‘nos’ and ‘don’t do that’ than I prefer to say. This time around, because I was feeling so crappy, I had to lean on empty threats to try to keep peace. This of course, meant bringing out the ‘clown’. I think I have written about this before, but Kaia has been deathly afraid of clowns ever since he saw these dwarfs dressed up as clowns in a nearby amusement park. By my standards they were pretty scary too and since they were so short, he could really see them at eye level. When one came bounding up to him, he freaked out like I’ve never really seen before. Anyway, about a month ago, we discovered that the “if you don’t (fill in the blank), then the clown will come” works wonders and moves mountains. Usually this form of short-term reward parenting is used in times like leaving places when he doesn’t want to or when he is being very difficult, but it must be used very sparingly for obvious reasons. Since I’ve been sick, however, I’ve probably leaned on it more than I should be…truth be told, it is a perversely wicked little trick that can turn his mood in a heartbeat—from screaming on the ground because he wants to drink juice out of the bottle to sitting up and gripping me tight in silence, whimpering “no clown come, no clown come.” I know that he’s going to hate me for it down the line.

Why I Love this Time: “So funny papa, that’s so funny.”

Music

2006-02-17T11:17:00.000+05:30

Some of the more devoted readers of indiapapa know that Kaia has a real affinity for traditional Indian music and dance. Ever since we took him to multiple performances over the Chennai Music Festival season last December he has been enraptured by the whooopms and twangs of Hindustani compositions. I am anticipating the arrival of a new iPod when Kaia’s Auntie Brynne comes next week from the US and, in preparation, I’ve organized my iTunes with all of the music that we have here, which means a lot of classical Indian. Now Kaia, knowing that all the music is stored in the computer, enjoys sitting at my desk and listening to “dancing music”, of which he has his favorite songs. Keep in mind that the typical ‘song’ can last from 10 to 40 minutes, so he’ll just sit there and stare out the window or at the iTunes visualizer while enjoying the music. I find it to be a very interesting behavior and really wonder what’s going on in his head. Since Bangalore, where we saw a dance performance featuring a male master dancer accompanied by a famous tabla player (who’s CD we have), now he asks for the “man dancing music”—which he can identify after just a few seconds! In fact, he already classified all the 1,400+ songs in iTunes as “papa’s music (anything remotely rockish), mama’s music (anything Latin and in Japanese), kaia’s music (kids songs) and, of course, dancing music”. Really funny. Accompanying this post is a photo of when I caught him alone playing his wooden xylophone while singing songs out of his Japanese song book. As you can see, he’s also set up a group of Ganesha back up singers and a small audience of fruit sellers.

Why I Love this Time: Saying goodbye to go to Kids Central with Joyce—“bye-bye papa, see you later”.

Valentine's Day

2006-02-14T13:18:00.000+05:30

Bangalore

2006-02-13T10:35:00.000+05:30

For some time we have been meaning to visit Bangalore and experience the epicenter of the information technology (IT) revolution on the subcontinent. Back in 2000 (pre-Kaia) we had visited for a few days, but it was just typical traveler-transit time where you are hardly there in mind. Indiamama was going to be returning from a weeklong business trip and flying out of Bangalore, so Kaia and I decided to meet here there and make a weekend of it. What a great weekend it was. Since Indiamama’s trip was rather stressful, she had requested that we stay in a “poolside resort” kind of place—this led us to the Oberoi, a true oasis in the heart of a bustling city.

Bangalore has many of the problems that affect India’s urban centers—an infrastructure pushed past the breaking point, a booming population, pollution that you can taste, and loads of foreign capital trying to take advantage of the highly educated work force who will work for a fraction of those in other places. Often referred to a the “garden city,” when it is not swallowed up by the thousands of commuters, (as we saw early Sunday morning) it maintains much of the “old world” charm of the pre-liberalized (1993) Indian world. Trees line relatively well maintained roads and the signs of negligent public works—crumbling walkways, makeshift road dividers, swirling litter—that are pervasive in Chennai are not as apparent in Bangalore. We got around town in our friend’s little electric car and wondered what India would be like with more of these economical, quiet, non-polluting little vehicles…But, frankly, what was going outside of the Oberoi’s grounds was not such a concern to us on this trip. This trip was all about indulgence and being pampered. As true as the four different kinds of luxury pillows that we were asked to choose between and the 24 hour “butler service”, I say this without shame.

More than anything, this trip allowed Kaia (and all of us) to experience things that we have been unable to do in Chennai—a roll in clean grass, a real bath, eat salami and gouda cheese, chase butterflies, watch television, listen to frogs… From the time that Kaia ran onto the grounds, he face just lit up—he could ran around without indiapapa at arm’s reach scanning the area for broken glass, stray dogs and uncovered cesspools. Of course, I exaggerate a bit here, but it was like he was an uncaged puppy—doing rolls in the grass, picking flowers and leaping after butterflies—all with an ear to ear grin. It was sweet to watch, but a sense of guilt overcame me in that I felt that I have been denying him these core pleasures of childhood because of this place that we have chosen to live—that is, in Chennai. As someone who used to expose elementary students the wonder of gardens and the environment is it wickedly ironic that my own son has been so locked in this concrete jungle for the past year. It was at this point that I clearly recognized what being here any longer than we need to be would deprive Kaia of. Our time here has been so memorable and he has developed in ways that we can never really know, but I think that we may be nearing the upper limits of what this environment has to offer him…

But living in India has been about the people—our friends and the lifetime relationships that have been fostered during this past year. Two of these folks live in Bangalore, Kaia’s Auntie Muthatha and Uncle Nitin, and spending time with them this past weekend was also really fun. Knowing about Kaia’s affinity for Indian dancing and percussion, they got us all tickets for a performance by two of India’s more famous performers—Ustad Zakir Hussain (on tabla) and Pandit Birju Maharaj (dancing). Kaia actually slept through the first half of it because of the day’s earlier excitement (plane ride! Airport! Bus ride!), but enjoyed it tremendously. On Saturday night we all went out for a tasty Italian dinner where I actually was able to eat something that I have been craving for months—arugula! Kaia grubbed down a whole plate of penne pasta and when I asked him if he was having a fun time, all he said was “so much fun papa”.

Why I Love this Time: To experience these new places together as a family—and to see how Kaia recognizes and loves “family time”.

Uncle Tom, Auntie Lyanda and Claire

2006-02-07T09:49:00.000+05:30

Sometime, about 3 weeks ago, our friends Tom, Lyanda and Claire came to India for a long family vacation and we had the please of housing them here on their first night. Last week, they returned to Chennai after a memorable trip through Southern India and found their way back here to our flat by the sea. Kaia really loves to have visitors and when they come with 7 year olds in tow, he’s in heaven! Our guests spent most of their final days here (actually Uncle Tom is staying on another 2 weeks to work with Indiamama’s project) shopping and getting in their final fix of local flavors, but Kaia was still able to spend a lot of fun time playing with Claire and being his happy self. Claire was really great with him and offered glimpses of what life might be like with two children—the tender sight of two little creatures sharing a book or a laugh just melts your heart. Kaia was really sad to see Lyanda and Claire go, as were we all. Sometimes in the storm of Indian intensity you can lose your bearings of those things familiar and comfortable. Being with them and remembering our lives in Seattle—and our imminent re-engagement—was very therapeutic.

Why I Love this Time: “Papa, want to see Culaire.”

Surprise Party

2006-02-04T09:18:00.000+05:30

Today we had a surprise birthday party for Kaia’s mama in a nearby Korean restaurant. It was a complete shock to both her (and Kaia) when they walked in a dark room of the restaurant to be greeted by a loud “surprise!” and about 20 close friends singing happy birthday. The place ended up being a terrific place to hold a party with karaoke machine, long tables, open grills and lots and lots of tasty food. I brought a bottle of good sake that Kaia’s ojiichan had gifted us from Japan and introduced many of our Indian friends to the pleasures of nihonshu. With a chocolate cake with the script in Tamil, it was truly a multi-cultural dining experience and everyone seemed to really enjoy themselves, most importantly indiamama.

Why I Love This Time: these kinds of memories.

One Year Anniversary

2006-01-30T15:56:00.000+05:30

Today marks the completion of one full year that we have been here in India. One year ago, we were spending our last (cold) night in

Japan

at our favorite cheap Narita hotel and getting ready to board a Singapore Airlines (business class!) flight that would eventually make its way to Chennai at 10:15pm on the 31^st. The anxiety of that time is still very fresh for me—worrying about our weight restriction for baggage (wasn’t an issue), transitioning to being a full-time dad, leaving a very nice life in Japan, and of course, the unknown of being in India with a little guy. Looking back, it is hard to say how much I have changed and grown as a result of being here. The challenges have been many with indiamama’s work demands and the first three months were really difficult for all of us, I think. Kaia wasn’t in a school that either of us felt comfortable with, the search for a home just dragged on and on, the place where we were staying was packed with mosquitoes, and the weather just got more and more hot by the minute. There were all kinds of other difficulties with what we were expecting and what the reality was, but you can read about those in the logs of this weblog, if you’re so inclined. In all, I have never had a 12 month period where time and events seemed to go so rapidly and slowly at the same time. While I spun my wheels, trying anyway to get my writing started, Kaia was maturing by the second. I feel very honored to have witnessed it so closely for these past 12 months. Here are some photos comparing then and now.

Why I Love this Time: There were many times when I thought we wouldn’t last one more day, much less making it the whole year that we had committed to originally. Many challenges have certainly toughened our hides…

Republic Day

2006-01-27T13:56:00.000+05:30

The streak of holidays around this time of year is quite remarkable. I know that I am exaggerating here, but it seems like every week since the beginning of Diwali in November there has been some day or festival celebrating this or that. Today, we observed yet another—Republic Day—marking the ratification of the Indian constitution and its emergence as an independent state. Today, all over the country, the day is celebrated with parades and here in Madras it was no different. I experienced the patriotism from early in the morning on my 6:30am run when I noticed that just about everyone I was running past along the beach road had an Indian flag pinned to their shirt. Already, by 7:00am there was a stage area set up near out place and music blasting national anthems. It was not a typical run. But, then again, when is it ever?

Kaia and his mama went to see a parade this morning and these are some of the shots from their experience. Apparently the different floats were rather interesting and odd—from the one with infamous Chief Minister Jayalalitha cradling a child in a God-like pose to that with the woman auto-rickshaw driver as the symbol of gender equality. In retrospect, I wish that I would have gone—especially on this day when the state has an opportunity to show off its true colors to the public—but alas, writing called. Anyway, from the looks of the photos, it seems that Kaia was a little puzzled by the floats as well. His highlight was seeing the “hebecobba” (helicopter and one of the cutest words these days) that was patrolling the beach in search of potential terrorists.

Why I Love this Time: The ticklish feet when washing at bathtime.

And a View from the Shore

2006-01-23T15:35:00.000+05:30

This is a bit off-topic in that it does not relate to Kaia, however I witnessed something on the way home from my run today that truly captures this place. My typical course is to run from our apartment building, towards town, through a temple/shopping area, and back home via the beach. Generally, I’ll stop about a ¼ of a mile from our place and walk home just to cool down and enjoy the early morning sights and all the various things going on at the beach at that time of day. As I walked back along the shoreline, I saw a man squatting and staring out at the sunrise. Of course, with two fisherman encampments on either side of our beach area, it is not surprising to see men taking care of their morning business (this is why I don’t run on the shoreline—too many paddies to dodge). But today, it was a bit different.

The area where I was walking back is not usually visited by defecating fisherfolk. In fact, it is just not practical as it is quite a ways from their homes—but this man was clearly not a fisherman based on his attire (rather new lungi) and age (probably in his mid-50s). I imagine that he, like the hundreds of folks who walk, run, practice yoga, etc. on this strip of beach every morning, was out exercising and felt the call. As I have written about before, relieving yourself in public is not so shocking (at least urinating), so I guess he wanted to get a bit away from the crowd and find some ‘privacy’.

When I spotted him, I was about 50 feet away and noticed that he, like me, was enjoying the beautiful sunrise this morning. I suppose that the Chennai pollution has something to do with it, but at times the sunrise can be truly spectacular. I am not as taken aback as I once was when seeing someone dumping out in public as I once was, but it is still a bit arresting, particularly when it is someone what you wouldn’t expect to be doing it (i.e. Fisherman or street dweller). But what made this episode so unique was what was in his hand—a cellphone—and what he was doing at the same time as taking a dump—talking on it. I was both humored and contemplative at the sight—this, in many ways, is today’s India. Public health nightmare with the cutting edge of technology in your foreground, while beyond it are vast depths of beauty and opportunity. Many cannot get past that first image—the figure of a middle-aged, middle class man’s drooping genitals or the fact that he could be talking to the other side of the world are just too strong. But if you can move beyond this, there are many amazing vistas to experience. Of course, he and his actions are very much part of the landscape (not to mention the polluted coastline), but the point is to experience it all. I just had to stop and stare, wishing that I had my camera to mark the moment for all time. But, you’ll just have to imagine it (if you want)…I know I’ll never forgot it.

Why I Love this Time: Bubbles and a 2 ½ year old make for enormous fun.

Birthday Party #2

2006-01-21T15:47:00.000+05:30

This evening we were invited to our second children’s birthday party here in India. The first one was back in March, and was quite an experience. This party was at the same place, and it was even more festive than the first. There were probably about 100 guests with children of all ages to celebrate little Krishna’s 3rd birthday. In addition to a magician (Mr. Sendhu), face painter (Ms. Pratima) and ‘bouncy castle’, there was a full food spread of dosai, mini-idli, pizza, quiche and all the ice cream that kids could eat. Kaia enjoyed himself, but was a bit overwhelmed by all of the noise and games. He wanted to go home after about 90 minutes. It was really cute when we said goodbye to Krisna and his parents, as Kaia and Krishna shared an unprovoked embrace. Kaia was sad to have to wash off his crab and heart paintings, but at least we have the photos as a reminder.

Why I Love this Time: Amazingly, how comfortable many aspects of life have become that I never would have imagined would be the case. Humans do have a way of settling down and finding their own happy rhythms.

Kites

2006-01-19T08:40:00.000+05:30

The past few evenings Kaia and indiapapa have been spending time on the beach in the last afternoon, after naptime. He’s been getting up around 4:30pm and then after a little snack, we head down the stairs and out the gate to the beach that sits right below our flat. Kaia’s mama has been gone since Monday, so we’ve had a little more time than usual to hang out, and these walks on the beach have been a lot of fun for both of us. Lately I have been far too immersed in my writing, so being able to get out is a really good thing for me. Kaia really enjoys watching the people and all of the sights—the boys playing soccer, roaming dogs, the peanut man, lovers who rise to pinch his cheeks. On Tuesday, Kaia had the opportunity to do something for the first time—fly a kite. There are usually very good breezes along our beachfront and it is a nice place for this kind of activity.

A young boy—about 8 or 9—was flying he kite and offered the string to Kaia. Kaia had been admiring the kite for a few minutes (he always is quick to spot kites), so it was a bit of a surprise to suddenly be holding it! In typical Kaia fashion when thrust into new things, he stood there with a serious look, staring ahead, completely frozen. It took a bit of coaxing from the boy and myself to get him to loosen up a bit and get into fact that he was now flying a kite! A few times he let go of the string, and the boy would go into full sprint to dive and retrieve it. Of course, with the kind of patience that most Indians exhibit with children, he would bring it right back to him.

The second evening, Kaia flew a kite made from a plastic shopping bag and twigs. It was really quite a remarkable thing to be holding up in the strong wind as it was. We were out that evening with Sethu and also had a chance to visit Kaia’s favorite beachside temple, which I am told has gained in popularity since the tsunami. This is because on our strip of beach, the water did not come up very high—this, of course, is purported to be because of its special significance.

Why I Love this Time: Third person references—“Kaia is sad. Kaia wants to eat strawberries. Kaia loves you.”

Pongal

2006-01-16T09:15:00.000+05:30

Today marks the end of Pongal, the four day harvest festival that is predominantly celebrated here in Tamil Nadu. While it may be hard for folks in places where is continues to be dark, rainy and freezing to imagine a harvest festival at this time of year, indeed it does happen. And here, it happens in a big way, over four days. Kaia celebrated Pongal at school and here he is in his Indian attire.

The first day, Bhogi, people celebrate by throwing away and burning old clothes to mark the end of the old and the beginning of the new. I am not sure what qualifies as ‘old’ clothes, but with many living in poverty within arms reach, I can imagine better uses for unwanted garments. I marked the occasion by re-organizing Kaia’s clothes and removing the things that he either cannot fit into anymore or that are just too dirty.

Anyway…on day two, Pongal, people celebrate by boiling rice with fresh milk and sugar cane from early in the morning, allowing it to boil over. This is an important tradition, and the boiled over rice is offered as an act of thanks to the Sun God for growing the crops. In the elaborate kolam that Joyce has made, you can see the pot and the boiling over rice. Also, it is quite a sight to see so many folks the day before Pongal walking and driving around with long cuts of sugar cane. Kaia made a Pongal pot at Kids Central to celebrate the day.

Day three, maattu pongal, is giving thanks to the cows for providing milk and plowing the land. Oddly enough, in a show of ‘respect’ there is an event called Jallikattu that resembles something of a cattle wrestling contest where brash young men try to tame agitated bulls—many of which have been intoxicated with alcohol. Not exactly a PETA approved event. In the local paper they had this photo (at left). I don’t know what effect they were trying for with the contrast, but I found the contrast to be quite humorous.

The final day, kaanum pongal, people will visit beaches and visit with friends and families. Our beach was not as crowded as I expected that it would be, but there were still quite a few people out and about. Man, there sure are a lot of celebrations and holidays in this place!

Why I Love this Time: The laughter that comes in a shower.

With Others

2006-01-12T10:26:00.000+05:30

Little kids know much more than we give them credit for, and one of the great challenges in being their parents is to respect their feelings, particularly when they are negative toward something. It is, of course, a very tricky balance to strike between permitting their distaste for something and encouraging them to reconsider their initial impulse. This is particularly hard when it comes to interactions with people.

In almost all cases, Kaia is very open to others. Understandably, he takes a little while to assess the situation and who the people are, but once he feels comfortable, he is very quick to reach out, particularly if his mama and/or papa are around. As I have written before, this has made him popular in many places throughout the city as he will go to folks whom he recognizes, shake hands and offer a ‘nandri’ and wave good-bye that insures some sweet on the return visit. But there are some people who he will not go to and who really cannot find his favor. I can remember back in Japan there was a woman who really wanted to get close to Kaia—making him small toys, bringing him gifts, always trying to make him laugh—but he never warmed up to her. She was a very nice person, but couldn’t seem to connect with him. In India, there have been only a few incidents—mostly with folks who were too aggressive in their pinching of cheeks and demands to carry. Just over New Year’s, when we revisited the guest house that we stayed in for the first 2 months of our time here (and where most of the handful of negative interactions occurred), he was again pummeled by demands to carry and hold and he ended up sobbing (the first time I ever saw him do this) while two women fought over who could carry him first. Of course, no one asked him if he wanted to be carried in the first place.

There have been other times when Kaia just doesn’t want to be with someone—usually, clearly indicated by his waving and saying “go bye-bye” to the person of (dis)interest. As his papa, it is kind of hard to watch him dismiss someone who only wants his attention or affection. Yet I have to wonder why he gets like this sometimes, particularly since he is a very social and open little guy. What is it about certain people that makes him not want to be with them? I don’t think that I can make broad generalizations about this behavior, but can only speculate from context. Often times, I see forms of disrespect or clear lack of consideration for his feeling when the “bye-bye hand” comes out. The previous example of two people fighting over carrying privileges is one. Another is what I would consider to be inappropriate behavior like laughing when Kaia is crying. Little kids act out or cry because they lack the verbal skills to fully communicate what concerns them. Laughing—even if what they are upset about is cute or funny—is not the way to show them respect and to let them know that they are being understood.

Kindness and compassion are something that I think that little kids instinctively are drawn to. In the same way, I think that a lack of these things repels children, who have little use for people who cannot express love and tenderness in some form or fashion. Often times, kids can bring it out of adults who rarely show these sides of themselves. People are transformed and connections drawn that deepen lives. Sadly, some—perhaps from their own upbringing where these things were absent, cultural and/or gender norms that crush the ability to express love, or their own indifference—cannot reach out and make connections and this is very painful to watch. When I observe them with Kaia I can only wonder what happened? I know that this is firmly rooted in my own cultural bias, but how did they come to lack the ability to show or express love to others? I suppose that somewhere in the search for these answers lives the key to connection, and bringing down the ‘bye-bye hand’ and stepping into meaningful hugs.

These experiences remind me that for all of the so-called skills that I work to foster within Kaia, it is far more important to cultivate a sense of love and compassion for others within him. It is part of my daily prayer for him that he grows into this kind of person—one who fills others with life and lifts their spirits. Curiously he already does this to me on a daily basis—perhaps this is one of those instant answers to my prayers. Perhaps if I keep on doing it, one day, Kaia will be able to even teach love to those who do not know. Maybe, as indiamama has said, folks like this “don’t even know or think about it”. For sure, this could be true. But for them, I hope that it is not.

Why I Love this Time: “Papa, let’s play cricket on the beach”! So much for baseball, I guess…

Eating Out

2006-01-10T13:45:00.000+05:30

Perhaps the thing that we do most as a family here in Madras is eat out. With the last decade’s money boom echoing throughout the city, there is no shortage of fine dining establishments to be found. We have our favorite places and, after being here for one year, people know us well at those places, especially Kaia. Being privileged here with our relatively great wealth has allowed us to dine at places that we normally wouldn’t frequent as often, and to experience a side of life that we wouldn’t ever be able to afford in the US or Japan. As a result of our frequency to various establishments, Kaia is a well known patron throughout the city. We’ve taken advantage of the good buffets here in the city since he’s still too young to have to pay for, but often times he’ll eat a full plate. Perhaps the nicest spread can be found at the Park Sheraton in Alwarpet and we go there at least once a month.

Last week it came to our attention that we’d forgotten Sekar birthday. More accurately, he’d not told us that it was on December 3^rd. So, as a way to make up for the mistake, we celebrated his 34^th birthday on January 3^rd and went to the Park Sheraton for lunch with Joyce as well. It was the first time that Sekar had been to lunch there, and the third for Joyce and I wasn’t quite sure what to expect with their reactions to the place. Of course, Sekar is usually dropping us off and waiting for us to finish, but this time was a rather different experience for him. Often times on the weekends, we convince Sekar to eat with us—especially if we’re out of the city—but this was a bit unique since the Park Sheraton is considered to be the elite hotel in the city. It did not surprise me that he was feeling a bit uncomfortable.

Of course, Kaia knows very well about the “Pahku Sherten” and he can quickly find his way to the restaurant and even walks through the front door like he owns the place—we just follow him, and with the greetings of “hello Kaia” and the candy offerings, it isn’t so far off to suggest that he does. Since we usually eat lunch early (12:30pm), places are generally quite empty when we eat. This time, there were only about 20 other people dining at the time and most were foreigners, presumably guests of the hotel. As we sat down, Joyce and Sekar we whispering to one another and giggling like children, pointing to the ornately decorated facilities and formality of it all. With a buffet, of course, you start at your own pace and eat until you cannot anymore. Joyce explained the procedures to Sekar and they went off to fill their plates. In the past when we’re eaten out with Sekar he is (understandably) reluctant to order anything beyond simple—usually asking for curd rice. Knowing him well enough know, we’ll usually just order something that we know he’ll like—like a tandoori kabab—and save him the discomfort. Anyway, this time he filled up his plate and dug right in—literally, as he ate as most South Indians do, with their right hand. Just for the record, indiapapa (and Kaia) love eating South Indian style, but this time Joyce nudged him and gestured to the silverware. I noticed this and told him that it was fine to eat however you wanted and I’m sure that the food wouldn’t have tasted quite the same had it slipped into his mouth with a fork or spoon. After finishing the first plate he was off for seconds, albeit in disbelief that you went and got a new plate every time. Joyce and he giggled again. Meanwhile, the little Bear munched away at his standard fare—pappad, rice, pasta, shrimp, poached fish—with great anticipation for the dessert table.

After three plates, Sekar was sated and ready for the dessert table—ice creams, cakes and overall sweet heaven. We then gave him his birthday presents and wrapped up the meal. The total cost of the meal was around $60 and for Kaia it was just another lunch. But for Joyce and Sekar, who would have to be considered as middle-class Indians, eating here is simply out of reach—both in cost and status. I have said this in other postings, but living here with an expat salary qualifies us within the hyper-elite of Indian society: able to move and do just about whatever we please and still manage to accumulate wealth. It is not a place where we would be living in the US or Japan with our salaries—not even close—but it is an odd state of living to experience for even a short period of time. I am not comfortable with the inequality that exists between me and those closest to me here, not the privilege that comes with the wealth. However, it is a complicated thing and one that cannot be dismissed with guilt-laden confessionals or simple-minded charity. One of the things that I love about this place is how it has challenged me to understand these disparities on my own terms. Not through some PC colored lens or radical academic, post-colonial theory. It is much more difficult to chip away at the ossified assumptions and see what lies within—and what is true to you. Who would have thought that a hotel buffet would have this much to offer?

Why I Love this Time: Making salads out of plastic and wooden fruits and veggies.

Kanchipuram

2006-01-09T19:56:00.000+05:30

Yesterday everyone (except Indiapapa) went to visit the highly regarded temple town called Kanchipuram. Indiapapa was able to do some work on the old dissertation and Kaia was able to enjoy one of his great pleasures in India—temples. It is really quite funny and remarkable how he has taken to Hinduism, particularly the different places of worship—knowing them by name (just today he told me that a temple that we go by everyday is a Kali temple, which I did not know) and being able to anticipate them coming as be drive on by. Of course, here in India there are temples literally just around every corner and in all sizes. I would really be interested to know how certain sites are deemed holy enough for a temple—not the big ones, but the small kinds like you see sandwiched in between peoples homes and in seemingly odd places, like the on the beach that is just up from our home. Is there some bureaucratic arm that sanctions these?

Anyway, as it turns out, it was a good thing (at least for me) that I didn’t go. After they ate lunch, Sekar locked the key in the car and that set in motion a chain of events that involved finding the spare set of keys here in Madras, driving them out to Kanchipuram (2 hours away) and then coming back. Kaia and his mama and ojiichan took a taxi back, so they were able to get back in time, but poor Sekar didn’t get back here until nearly 8pm. To make matters worse for him, he shattered the rear window when he was trying to pry it open to get access to the inside. Poor guy felt so bad about the whole incident. I was just so shocked that the remedy went as smoothly as it did! Where’s AAA when you need them?

Why I Love this Time: How words will sometimes take on a “d” at the end—like “paperd” or “goned”.

Ojiichan

2006-01-05T13:30:00.000+05:30

Yesterday afternoon Kaia’s ojiichan (grandfather) arrive from Japan. He’ll be staying with us for about 10 days and I’m looking forward to Kaia getting a bit more Japanese language stimulation. Of course, ojiichan was very popular upon his arrival as it was well known that he would be bringing a large collection of recently ordered Japanese books, Japanese snacks and other goodies that you can only find in Nihon. It was actually quite funny (and interesting) to watch Kaia look through his new Japanese books and refuse that anyone read them to him, except for his mama. You see, English books are ‘papa’s books’ and Japanese books are ‘mama’s’. Being in India has meant that we have been able to amass quite a few English titles at very low prices (if not lacking in binding quality), but nothing in Japanese. So, not since last summer, when we were in Japan for a few weeks, has he been able to get new and more age appropriate books. Anyway, now ojiichan is here and already working with Kaia on his kana recognition. Ganbatte little bear!

Why I Love this Time: For the first time today he urinated standing up—in typical Indian fashion, on the side of the road. It was very funny because all he would say is “like a man” which you might think meant that he associated peeing standing up with being grown up, but is actually because you tend to see dozens of folks within any given ½ mile stretch doing their business on a wall, in a ditch or just out in the open. So, “like a man” really means being like the folks (from all classes) he sees when we’re walking or driving around!

Back to School

2006-01-02T13:27:00.000+05:30

Well, the holiday break is officially over and it is back to Kids Central for Kaia and work for his mama. We had a great week together and Kaia will be starting 5 day a week pre-school that goes from 930am-12 noon. His first day went well today without any tears (although he was a bit clingy in the beginning) and I think that he will really develop a lot over the next three months during his time in school here. Here is a photo of him, Joyce and Sekar after doing the typical ‘first day of school’ puja blessing.

Why I Love this Time: The love Kaia has for Joyce and Sekar.

New Years

2006-01-01T13:20:00.000+05:30

I did not expect that New Years would be quite the celebration that it is here. Having seen how folks celebrate Diwali and other important holidays, I had thought that it would be something of that nature—loud and observed, but not over the top. For this reason, we were in for a bit of a surprise when all of the revelry started around 9pm. In the area where we live, all of the apartment buildings have large rooftop areas that can be used for different purposes—storing water tanks, hanging laundry, and in this case, holding huge parties with live bands. Just in our neighborhood there were, at least, three different parties happening, each with their own (in typical Indian style) treble infused, ear shattering sound-system. In our building, the Association Director had organized a party of his own with friends and family and they started off around 7:30 pm. We were invited to join, but since we already had an invitation to attend another party, were only able to drop by for a short time. By the time we made it up there the band was already in full swing and they had a Rajnikanth impersonator dancing and doing his act. It was quite entertaining. What was perhaps the most remarkable to me, however, is how in a 6 piece band, they managed to have 4 percussionists! You may not be able to tell from the photo, but they had a four different guys playing the electronic drums, a standard Western drum set, the congos, and the tabla. I addition to them, there was a keyboard player and a vocalist. Amazing. I guess in this country, you can never have enough percussion! After this party, we made our way across the crowded metropolis and to our friends’ guest house. There they also had a live performance by a more traditional singing duo. As the prior post explained, Kaia goes into a hypnotic trance when listening to traditional Indian music and this case was no different. He was captivated until midnight, upon which we moved outside to watch the fireworks and ring in the new year. The ride back home was filled with inebriated young men waving and cavorting around (not a woman to be seen) the streets. More than once a group stopped our car to wave and yell. Even Sekar couldn’t understand what they were saying to us because they were too wasted! In all a very memorable New Years celebration. Here is hoping that 2006 holds even better things.

Why I Love this time: Improving on his potty training skills to be “like papa”.

Classical Dancing

2005-12-31T11:42:00.000+05:30

Kaia has discovered a new pleasure: classical Indian dance. Every year in Chennai at around this time, the city comes alive with hundreds of dance and music performances in what is collectively known as the “Madras Music Season”. There is a place very close to our home that is one of the centers for classical Indian performing arts—the Kalakshetra Foundation—and from December 24^th until January 4^th they have daily performances and educational events by artists from all over India. From the theatrics of Keralan Kathakali to the hypnotic whoomps and twangs of Hindistani music to the sensual grace of Carnatic dancing, there is no reason to be surprised that little Kaia is mesmerized by the performances. Kalakshetra has this wonderful performance theatre that seats about 500 and, for two hours, you are transported to another place. We were a bit worried when we attended our first performance that he might force us to leave early, but he didn’t even move for the entire two hours, except to clap at the appropriate times. It was really funny. When we asked him asked him after that show if he’d like to come back, there was a resounding “Yes! See more dancing!” For this reason, we’ve gone the last three nights and expect to go until the 4^th at least. Better than Bob the Builder any day of the week.

Why I Love this Time: Question: Kaia, what is your favorite musical instrument? Answer: Tabla, papa.

Mama on Holiday

2005-12-28T11:34:00.000+05:30

Kaia’s mama has finally been able to take some time off of work and we’ve enjoyed the last week together, for the first time really since we moved her a year ago, as a family. Kaia has been very happy and indiapapa has actually been able to do some work on that ‘other’ little dissertation project that he cannot seem to shake. Life has been somewhat complicated due to a prolonged bout with minor food poisoning, but this I suppose is par for the course. Anyway, we've gone to the zoo, down the coast, played at home, visited the temple and overall just enjoyed the time together.

Why I Love this Time: Family time.

Christmas Day

2005-12-25T11:03:00.000+05:30

Well, Kaia was happy to learn that Santa also makes trips to India. Thanks to a number of unopened gifts from Kaia’s Grandme and a few of our own, the little guy got to really enjoy the pleasure of gift opening. He received a number of new pj sets and a few new DVDs, but of course, the highlight was a new puzzle set. He has moved up to the 50 piece puzzles and I still cannot understand how he is able to do them so easily….

Still, it doesn’t feel like “Christmas” to me, and I suppose that my wife will feel the same way in a week during o-shogatsu. There are just some things that you have to have in order to truly feel it to be a full experience. As far as Kaia goes, he seems to be enjoying himself regardless. His Christmas memories are just being developed, so many he’ll come to associate it with spindly trees and humidity. Who knows.

Why I Love this Time: Driving home from dinner last night we were blocked for some time by a large procession. Based on my calendar reference, and with all of the lights and music, I assumed that it was a some folks celebrating a Christmas mass. However, it was not. It was a group of pilgrims who were preparing for a trip to Kerala to take their coconuts for blessings—Ayyappan is the name of the God that they are honoring and it is a widespread activity with different groups going at different times. This just highlights the range of diversity that you see in this place…

Christmas Eve

2005-12-24T22:53:00.000+05:30

But the sheer force of habit I was compelled to motivate us to partake in some kind of ‘special’ Christmas Eve dinner. Of course, for my Japanese wife this day (and the next for that matter) has little personal significance with deep lifetime memories of giddy anticipation, so it was on me to mark the occasion. Through his school, Kaia has been introduced to Santa and knows that presents go under the tree, so I thought that it would be best to go to the 5 star hotel—The Le Meridien, which is incidentally owned by out next-door neighbors and has a restaurant called “Kaya”--that boasted the largest Christmas tree in the city with a huge Santa in his sleigh made entirely of milk chocolate. They were also serving a special dinner with “imported turkey” and other foodstuffs that, I guess, folks associate with this holiday—like honey glazed ham and lamb shanks. It sounded like a descent option, so we set off for a late holiday dinner at around 7:30 pm (we usually eat at 6:30).

As it turned out, the hotel offered everything that they said they were. The large, open lobby area was decked out to the nine in Christmas cheer and a lean, dark skinned Santa roamed the ground, handing out chocolates to just about everyone. A group of children sang carols to piano accompaniment and it did have a seasonal feel. Kaia was really enjoying himself, that is, until we walked into the restaurant.

We had actually dined there once before—it’s a pretty extensive buffet with all kinds of foods, ranging from Chinese to Western to Indian. This evening, of course, they were also serving carved turkey and ham, so the choices were looking good. The problem for Kaia stemmed from the fact that they had dimmed the lights (‘candlelight dinner’) and placed party hats, masks and noise makers on each place setting—something that you might expect more for a New Year’s dinner. You see, Kaia just HATES masks. They freak him out. It likely stems from an incident at the local amusement park, where they employ dwarfs to dress up as clowns and walk around, much in the way that you see Disney characters walking the grounds at Disneyland. I don’t know if it was because these costumed little people were near to eye level of Kaia, but when one skipped up to greet him, he just freaked out in a way that I had never seen, as he attempted to scurry to the top of my head like a terrified cat. Perhaps this incident scarred him to the point where he cannot bear to see anyone in such costume (coulrophobia?), but there have been a few other incidents that have either extended or reinforced his dislike.

So, from the moment that he saw the masks and various people wearing them, any hopes of a nice, peaceful family dinner were dashed. During these times, it becomes a food shoveling contest where I eat as fast as I can, while my wife tends to him, and then once I am done, I take over and shuttle him off to a different place. I hardly had a chance to enjoy the odd turkey loaf or the marbled (read—layered in fat) ham. Oh well, this was it was probably a more memorable dinner. Anyway, poor little guy was so scared that we couldn’t even eat afterward in the lobby.

Why I Love this Time: Frog’s vacation in Japan.

Goodbye Great-Grandpa

2005-12-21T10:18:00.000+05:30

Nearly two weeks ago, Kaia’s great-grandfather passed away. Since that time I have been struggling with how to articulate my feelings about his demise. He had been very ill for over a year, more than once coming to the edge of death only to be pulled back by a strong will to live—and modern technology. Even before his body had started its rapid decline, from nearly a decade ago his once sharp mind had been eroding as well. By the time he passed away on December 10^th, he was a physical and mental shell of the man I have such fond memories of as a boy. I was mentally prepared for his death and, admittedly, at times wished that it would come sooner in the hope that it would relieve some of the turmoil that my mom and grandmother felt watching him teeter between life and death cradled tenuously by the crutch of life supporting machines. Yet now I am feeling overwhelmed by emotions that I did not expect to have to wrestle, and it is making it nearly impossible to write. I suppose that it is a combination of things—the holidays, the return home of Kaia’s grandme, a writing rut, Kaia’s mama’s continued overwhelming work schedule—but there is this creeping malaise and longing for familiar comforts that is dragging me down making it very difficult to string together the kind of words that I want to honor my grandfather’s life. From the remembrance of the unconditional love that he gave to me, I feel these pangs of guilt that Kaia is so far away from his grandparents and family at this time. I know that it is cliché and the roots of my emotions are embedded in cultural rituals that precipitate such timely feelings, but there is no denying it.

My parents made the conscious decision to raise me and my sisters in an area that was close to family—and, specifically, our grandparents. From an early age—about the same age as Kaia—I was essentially living with my grandparents while my mom worked and finished her degree and my dad built his dental practice. While my grandma slipped me money to call her “mommy” at the supermarket and introduced me to the entertainment that is daytime television, my grandpa was already teaching me the intricacies of one of his undying passions—baseball.

Next to the clear memories of the unconditional love he showed me—from quitting smoking at my birth to being patient with my fishing misadventures--baseball is the lasting gift that I will carry with me from our life together. In some ways it is the stories that he shared with me from his own playing days as a star centerfielder, but more so it is the memories of our physical time together—sharing the ritual of oiling a baseball glove, teaching me how to keep score, tossing the ball to each other in the front lawn—that I carry with me and that I will someday share with Kaia. With my dad being a star football player in his own right, my upbringing very much revolved around sports, and my grandpa was a big part of this. I suppose that this is one reason that I still hold onto my love for baseball and the simplicities of the game. Baseball is a constant reminder of my youth and the times I shared with my father and grandfather. I suppose that countless other men share similar feelings about the game and their elders, yet this does nothing to diminish the power of these emotions and experiences.

I don’t know if Kaia will go on to participate in athletics or enjoy sports at all—and if not, that is just fine. But there will be sometime in his life when we sit down and he can look at old photos of his great-grandfather, not the ones where they are together and great-grandpa is a weak old man, but the shots of him as the lone, vigorous Japanese American on the pre-war all-star baseball team who rapped out doubles with the best of them. Or perhaps we will listen to the taped interviews I conducted with him later on in his life where we discuss the details of the old Sacramento leagues where only Asians played ball.

My grandfather was a big part of my life and I miss him. In fact, I have missed the man who taught me how to grip a baseball for many years. Yet now I take some comfort in knowing that, out there, somewhere, he’s back on the diamond, manning centerfield and running down those balls hit into the gaps. And I’ll keep my glove well groomed with neat’s foot oil, waiting for the day when I can pass along some of the gifts he taught me to his great-grandson. Thank you for sharing your life and passions with me grandpa. May you always find the sweet part of the bat. I love you.

Missing Mama

2005-12-19T17:30:00.000+05:30

In writing this weblog it should be fairly self-evident that I avoid talking about my wife, otherwise known as Kaia’s mama. When I started writing this, I wanted it to be entirely about Kaia and my relationship and life in India from the perspective of being his papa. Yet, it would be disingenuous to suggest that she’s not a significant part of OUR experience here and there are times when her presence—or in this case—absence makes a big difference. The last few weeks have been one of those times.

For those of you who do not know about our situation here, Kaia’s mom is the Project Director of a HIV/AIDS capacity building project that is being administered through a government hospital in Chennai. This hosp ital is, in fact, a tuberculosis sanatorium, but it is the largest care center in all India for the care and treatment of people have contracted the AIDS virus. Its high profile led to it being profiled in the slick, globally distributed “A Closer Walk” documentary. Hundreds of patients are seen each day, many with the same tragic stories that are repeated across the world—positive orphans whose parents have already succumbed to the virus, stigmatized women without support nor income, families and communities decimated—it is not the easiest place to go to work everyday.

As one might expect Kaia’s mom is consistently challenged on multiple fronts—emotionally and spiritually, for obvious reasons, and physically by the tremendous stress and demands of her position as the leader of this ever-growing project. From the first day that we arrived here it has been a Level 5 hurricane that just hasn’t stopped. Her capabilities to handle it all have forged an entirely new level of respect that I have for her. I don’t think that I could do what she’s doing, and certainly not as well.

But more than the daily challenges that she has experienced through work, is how the demands of her job have taken her away from the thing she cares about more than anything—her son. A typical day has her leaving the house at 7:30 and coming back around the same time in the evening. She has yet take a holiday since she started here because of the persistent demands and sometimes, but it is when she has to work on a Saturday, that things really get out of whack. You see, after some rocky adjustment, Kaia and I have tuned out internal clocks to times when mama is here and gone. When she’s away, he is fine and happy to play and be with me, Joyce and/or Sekar. Around 7:00pm, he expects that she’ll come soon and he’s happy to spend time with her when she does. Of course, initially he will often demand her full attention (I cannot talk with her) and if he doesn’t get it, many tears will flow. But when she’s not here on Saturday, it sets this terrible disruptive pattern into motion. He needs at least the weekends with her to have enough ‘mama time’ and when there is only Sunday it is insufficient and carries over into the next week. The problem as well is that she is exhausted by Sunday and cannot provide him with the full, active attention that he wants and needs. What results is a frustrated Kaia, an even more exhausted mama, and a papa in-between who can only look forward with great anticipation for when this current situation will change. The last few weekends, Saturday has been taken up and this is what we’ve been contending with.

One of the things that Kaia and mama will do together is bath time. Here's a recent photo of that…I am looking forward to the time when she has more energy to be fully present during this and other time with him. I know that this time is coming soon.

Why I Love this Time: His Indian ‘bullet train’.

Winking Statues

2005-12-16T11:36:00.000+05:30

This morning, we were met by a knock at the door from the building’s sweeping lady Geetha (pictured) informing Joyce that the nearby temple was the site of a miraculous event. According to Geetha, it seems that the statue representing the main god of the temple was found this morning to be winking—or one eye had closed. Joyce, being a very devout Hindu (currently she is in the midst of a month long fasting period where she must adhere to strict codes of conduct), immediately deemed this an encounter with the divine. Perhaps later this afternoon we’ll all talk a walk and check it out.

Why I Love this Time: Glow in the dark dinosaur pjs.

Last Day as a Toddler

2005-12-12T11:27:00.000+05:30

Today was the last day of the term at Kids Central for the holiday break. It was actually a Christmas party and there were all sorts of animals and fun things going on—not to mention a visit from Santa, bearing chocolates. This means that Kaia will be off until January 2, at which time he will start pre-school: 5 days a week, 2.5 hours a day. It is a rather big step up for him and for me, as he wont be around nearly as much and he’ll be interacting with children his own age and older on a more frequent basis. In the toddler school, he was going 3 days a week, for an hour at a time, so this is a big change for him. Fortunately, he still loves Kids Central and the adjustment shouldn’t be quite like it was before. Of course, I have rather mixed emotions about him transitioning to more school—on one hand I’ll be able to have more time (at least this is what I am hoping) to work on my writing but on the other, it marks yet another milestone that my emotional preparedness seems to lag behind on. Over the last few months my work has become quite busy and I have leaned on Joyce and Sekar to spend more time with him during the day. While it has allowed me to move forward with important tasks, because I am working from home, there is the constant background noise of laughing, fussing and playing that never allows me to get too lost in my own world. Usually this is a good thing, but sometimes it really grates on me and I find myself in a frustrated funk where I cannot seem to get any traction in my work. Perhaps, after he starts pre-school, I will be able to do this, but until that time, I guess I will just need to continue my practice with patience.

Why I Love this Time: “It’s five o’clock papa, time for TV”.

We Miss Grandme

2005-12-09T10:56:00.000+05:30

Today Kaia’s grandmother returned home and we all miss her. It was a great time for all of us and Kaia really moved forward with his development, particularly verbally. We did quite a few things, but most of all it was a chance for Kaia’s grandmother to experience his life here in Chennai. Outside of a day trip to Mahabalipuram, the entire two weeks was spent here—taking Kaia to and from Kids Central, going swimming at the Club, meeting all of his friends, visiting his favorite restaurants, and more. There were many photos taken, and rather than write up each one (I’m behind enough as it is with this blog) I’ll just put them up for your viewing pleasure.

With Sekar at Amethyst.

Fisherman's Cove

Drinking Tender Coconut at Dakshina Chitra

Mahabalipuram

Kids Central

Milkshakes at Cedar's

Jasmine Aunty's Church (and husband, the pastor)

Tree

2005-12-06T10:27:00.000+05:30

Last year in Japan we decided not to get an XMAS tree, largely because we were spending the holidays in the US and leaving to India soon thereafter. The year before, Kaia’s first XMAS, we were transitioning to Japan so there was neither a tree at that time. So what better place to introduce him to the annual ritual than here in India? Of course, there would be no going down to the corner tree lot, but finding a tree was not as difficult as I had imagined.

First we went to a shop that dealt in just XMAS items—decorations, artificial trees (fiber optic trees included), lights, etc—and judging by the prices ($10 for small string of lights) they are catering for the expat community. But I wanted a real tree, so Kaia selected a few ornaments (Styrofoam grapes and strawberries!) and we were off. In order to get a real tree, we had to go to the “agri-horti” grounds, which is basically a large commercial nursery. The plants here are well cared for and we were led to a small patch of ‘trees’ potted in one gallon plastic jug. Presumably, this is where the expats looking for ‘real’ trees are led to choose. After sifting through a number of leggy and malnourished trees that looked like something that the Grinch put a curse on, I was able to find one that looked like it would hold the weight of a few dozen ornaments. There would be no brilliant star on the top—alas, there was no peak point at all on the tree—but it looked hardy enough to last three weeks. While it was hardly a pyramid-shaped fir or powdered spruce, the tree would work. So I paid the $12 (quite high, no?) and they repotted it into a terracotta pot (how many XMAS trees have this as their temporary home?!?) and we were off.

A few weeks prior we had found a number of really nice ornaments at a local shop, so we already had plenty of things to adorn the tree with. Finally finding a purpose for the (typically) odd gift from my mother-in-law last XMAS, we placed a large cloth depicting the typical Santa scene as a skirt around the tree. From there, Kaia and his Grandme began to decorate. It is very special and memorable that Kaia’s first tree was here in India and that he was able to decorate it with his grandmother. No thanks to my craptastic camera (which I have wished I could hurl against the wall due to its shortcomings), I was still able to take a few photos that will be a wonderful keepsake.

Why I Love this Time: The fast and furious pace of vocabulary retention.

Family

2005-12-02T13:42:00.000+05:30

It has been a little longer than normal in-between posts and this is largely due to the recent arrival of Kaia’s grandmother, affectionately known as “Grandme”. She arrived late Sunday night, after nearly 48 hours in transit between her home in California and the Chennai airport. Unfortunately, her luggage decided to take a slower path and did not arrive until Tuesday night with the ordeal compounded by the typical problems one finds in this country when you are assured that there’s “no problem”. Of course, this only means that there is—and it is time to practice patience and tolerance. Sometimes this is not as successful as indiapapa would like it to be…

Anyway, getting back to Grandme’s time here, Kaia is very happy to have her (see photo). Our home has always had people coming and going, so he’s come to really enjoy having guests—especially when they bring so many presents! Since last summer, the puzzle fiend has been waiting for a “tractor puzzle” that he asked his Grandme to bring from the US and it was with great excitement that it emerged from her suitcase after 2 days of extra wait. Most of the puzzles that are to be bought here are lacking in something—maybe the pieces don’t interlock properly, or the layers of paper peel right off—but other than wooden puzzles, it is hard to find good jigsaws.

As I have written about in other posts, having Kaia’s grandmother here is a reminder about how helpful it is to have family around. Since we’ve been living away from the US for the past two years, the kind of support that many of our friends take for granted (like dropping kids off so that you can have a night out) just hasn’t been possible for us. I also see the vast network of family support that many have in this country and it makes me a bit jealous. Of course, no one is stopping me from moving back to Orange County to be close to my extended family—Southern California itself does a fine job of that—but it would be so great if Kaia’s Grandme could take him to school more often than once or twice. Great for me, great for him. And I’m sure great for Grandme.

Why I Love this Time: Closing the bedroom door and telling me to go away so that he can poop in private.

Palace

2005-11-20T14:37:00.000+05:30

Yesterday was the community event at Kids Central where all of the children involved in the various programs at the school come together, with their parents, to enjoy each other’s company for a few hours. Usually they hold these events on the school grounds, but this time, for the first time, it was held at Chettinad Palace, a rather remarkable ‘house’ on the banks of the Adyar river. I had never been in a place quite like this in Chennai—and many of the folks who grew up in Chennai said the same thing. Kids Central was invited to hold their event there by the owner of the facility, who happens to have a 3 year old son and was sympathetic to how much children would love the large open spaces of the Palace ‘lawn’, not to mention the fountains and swimming pool. In all about 200 people attended the event, and there must have been 80-90 kids from ages one to five running around the grounds. I assume that they have good groundskeepers.

Kaia really enjoyed himself there, but it was the live music that seemed to get most of his attention. There were two musicians, one playing the flute and the other the tabla (see photo) and he was quite transfixed on their music. Even though the volume was beyond loud (as it always seems to be here), he would just stand in front of the stage and take it all in. He seemed to be the only child interested in what was going on up there.

It was a really nice event that resembled the weddings and birthday parties that I have been to: dosai bar, good food and lots of folks enjoying themselves. It will be hard for the folks at Kids Central to top their next community event.

Why I Love this Time: “rooook papa, rooook!”

Farm

2005-11-17T10:09:00.000+05:30

The weather as of late has been spectacular: daytime temperatures in the high 70s, cool breezes coming off the Bay of Bengal for most of the day, and a ‘clean’ feeling from the last few weeks of rain. While I can’t seem to get a straight answer if the monsoon season is finished or not—some say it is over, others say there is another 3-4 weeks—there is little doubt that the most blazing of temperatures are behind us and the next few months are to be enjoyed. Of course, when it is so hot, you cannot rationally play outside for much time, and this has been a real negative about being here with Kaia. Compared to the United States, there are very few parks and open spaces that are kid and family friendly, so with super heat and little places to play outside, it has meant more time inside than I would have liked. For those of you who know indiapapa well, you know that I have long been an advocate for experiential/outdoor learning for children and there is a touch of irony that I have been unable to pursue this since coming to India with my own child. For this reason, it should be no surprise that I was looking forward with great anticipation to yesterday’s Kids Central field trip to a nearby farm. As well, Kaia was beside himself looking forward to seeing the ‘tractor and plow…we were ready for some fun out of doors.

The ride from Kids Central to the farm was a bit longer than I had expected, about 45 minutes down the Old Mahalibalipuram road, a road that floods terribly whenever it rains. Even though it has been close to a week since the last heavy rains, there are still huge pools of water on the road and vacant lots have been turned into small ponds. Of course, 1 week old standing water, next to a busy road, has turned the liquid that shade of blue-black that comes when you mix all the watercolors together. Or in this case, oil, trash, mud and animal waste. It is not a pretty sight. Throw on top of that the issue of mosquito breeding and infectious disease and you have a public health nightmare just about every time it rains. Anyway, we eventually made it down to the farm and Kaia immediately zeroed in on finding that tractor (see photo).

I was pleasantly surprised when we got there to learn that this farm is a 100% organic farm, not using any synthetic fertilizers or chemicals in the cultivation of their radishes, okra, turnips and other tree crops—including mango and guava. Again, indiapapa has a long history with farming organically, so this was a nice treat to visit a local farm and see what they’re up to. The farm was about 11 acres in size with close to half in cultivation. Many of the trees were still immature and a few years from meeting their full production capacity, and like with many organic farms, the weeds were numerous, but being managed nevertheless. Rain catchments were being used, as well as drip irrigation and some other water conservation techniques. As for animals, there was one cow, but the other farm staples that many come to expect in the farm landscape narrative—pigs, chickens, horses, etc—we nowhere to be found. Unfortunately, for Kaia, neither was any heavy machinery. This meant, of course, no tractor (see 'tractor's gone' photo).

The farm ended up being a lot further from Kids Central than many expected and, perhaps, the amenities of the farm left some parents disappointed. There were about 25 children and their parents and I noticed about 8-10 parents just standing around with their kids, unwilling to engage the situation either because they might get muddy or the farm was falling short of their expectations. We were told that we could roam around the farm fields and let the children play—and they WILL figure it out—so Kaia and I spent most of the time catching the numerous frogs and grasshoppers under the trees. I showed some of the frogs that we had caught to some of the other children and I heard a parent comment “well I guess there ARE some animals at this farm”. All I could think was that here was another urbanite void of imagination and creativity in the outdoors and expecting to be entertained. It was at that point that I realized how much I missed having my own (large) garden and being able to take Kaia out into it. Living here in India has had its benefits, but we are losing out on this time to learn and grow together in living soil. I’ve taught enough kids to see what happens when you take them outside and let them get dirty in the Earth. I am ready to get back and create a place where Kaia can do the same.

While there wasn’t any tractor, Kaia and I had a great time. In addition to the frogs and grasshoppers, Kaia got to meet another one of his long-time obsessions (the school bus, see photo) and pull out some immature radishes (photo). It was so great for him to get muddy and for me to not be on high alert for stray dogs, trash or searing heat. As a bonus, on the 45 minute ride home, there were an inordinately high number of diggers and bulldozers in action along the side of the road. Kaia was in heaven.

Later in the day, I received a phone call from Kaia’s teacher at Kids Central. She was calling, she said, to apologize for the field trip and how long of a drive it was, and how the farm was not so exciting and rather muddy. She said that she was calling all of the parents to apologize because this was the first time they had gone there and they didn’t know about some of these things. Of course, I told her how silly such an apology was and that we had a GREAT time. She was kind of taken aback, but very thankful saying that we were ‘too sweet’. After hanging up with her, all I could think was that a number of parents had complained to them about the fieldtrip and, judging from the 8-10 who were unwilling to participate at the farm, I can imagine who they were. It is too bad that these folks couldn’t let go of their expectations and just embrace the experience—or at least let their children do so. Just getting these kids outside is a rare treat in this city. Take advantage of it and, for God’s sake—lighten up!

Why I Love this Time: Squeeky hugs.

Stages

2005-11-14T17:03:00.000+05:30

There are certain stages in Kaia’s development where I can’t wait for him to grow out of. The “screaming because you can’t understand me” or the “peeing on stuff just for fun” stages capture this desire in its purest form. On the other hand, there are periods where I feel the mirror emotions of bliss and sadness for times that I just don’t want to end. My first memories of these conflicting feelings—the first time that I had ever experienced such things—came when Kaia was a few days old and I was changing his diapers. It was a rather mundane moment, but I can remember how clear it was to me that time was already passing so quickly and that he would never be this age again. Since that time, there have been countless times when I have re-experienced these feelings, and recently it has been on a regular basis.

You see, ever since Kaia recovered from his illness, he has really grown up—a lot. I think that his being sick, forced him to verbally communicate in a more clear way and it is amazing the difference between the pre-sick Kaia and the post-sick Kaia. Whereas the pre-sick Kaia would just say “wanta, wanta, wanta” when he wanted something, the post-sick Kaia says, “Papa, Kaia wants (fill in the blank, although usually it is something sweet or a book)”. Also, driving around the city with him is like being with a junior tour guide. He can tell you that “Cedar’s Restaurant” is on your left, and the “Ganesh Temple” is on your right and the “Park Sheraton hotel” is coming up. It is really funny because I think that he has a better sense of the city than my wife does. He has also been so loving and cuddly—coming up behind you with surprise hugs and kisses, huge smiles and funny jokes---and he’s just been filling the house with his infectious laughter. Even at Kids Central they have noticed a big difference in his personality. The last two times that I have picked him up, his teacher Nidi has said how much he has been talking and engaging the activities with more excitement.

Ever since we came to India, time has taken on a very different pace and there is certainly a part of me that dislikes how the speed seems to have ratcheted up a few notches. Again, as I have written in earlier posts, I know that he will be sixteen before I even knew what happened: all the more reason to savor and mourn the passage of these precious, unforgettable times.

Why I Love this Time: Our lunches together out on the town where everyone knows his name—what a trip.

Sick

2005-11-09T12:01:00.000+05:30

The paucity of posts recently has been the result of one thing: sickness. For the past 10 days or so, Kaia and I have been fighting off fever, mucus, dizziness, lethargy…just about all of the symptoms of that granddaddy of tropical diseases—malaria. With the rainy season in full swing and a mosquito breeding cycle of 3 days, well you have to think there always is this possibility. Fortunately, it seems that we’ve been spared. For now. Kaia is nearly back to his full spunk (and taking photos and climbing) and, while I am suffering from a cold and cough, the worst seems to be behind us. Needless to say, all things mental have been put on hold since he first got sick, so it will take some time to get back on the horse. I’ll say this, I can’t remember getting sick this often in my life—the combination of being here and having a little guy who is consistently being exposed to new stuff at school, is more than my body can handle, I guess.

Why I Love this Time: When he was just recovering and I asked him what we wanted to eat he said, “uttapham and vadai”. Too funny, this kid is truly a South Indian.

Diwali

2005-11-04T11:23:00.000+05:30

Diwali is one of the most popular celebrations here in Chennai. Celebrated over five days, the ‘festival of lights’ is an important festival all over the country, but you would have to forgive the outsider who would think that it was more a ‘festival of noise’ than anything else. You see, for 2 or 3 days, around the clock, people of all ages take part in the progressively irritating ‘ritual’ of exploding firecrackers in the street. Now I can see the connection with the lighting of colorful fireworks and the spirit of Diwali—there is no stretch there—but when you have people lighting off a 100+ foot long string of inner ear thundering firecrackers (see photo), over and OVER and OVER again, there is every reason to wonder if this point here is to scare the bejeezus out of everyone—from stray dog to blue faced god. The problem of noise is something that many in the city are concerned about, as you can see in the dozens of Letters to the Editor in the local newspapers, leading up to Diwali. Just this last year, an upper cap was put on the firecracker decibels, but I can’t imagine that it did much good.

At first, Kaia was intrigued by the lights and noise that were coming from the street below our flat. A few days before Diwali, when the noise had already begun and we had no idea what we were in store for, he would run to the window to watch. However, by the time that the meat of the celebration had begun, it was like a war zone outside of our place. I have heard this analogy used before to describe loud situations, but in this case, it really sounded like machine gun fire and bombs (literally) going off just outside our window. Poor little guy was terrified, and while he did eventually get used to it, there was one time where he was in a room by himself and I found him curled up in the fetal position crying from the noise.

What compounded the challenge of being here during this time was that Kaia was very sick. He was running a 103 degree fever and he gave it to me as well. So here we are, lying in bed, trying to recover and rest, and there is a gunfight raging outside of our window. Not the best way to get healthy fast.

So, I think that the lesson learned here for the noise-averse foreigner is to get out of the country during Diwali. If, for some reason, we are still in India next November, I’ll be sure that we’re not in India, if you know what I mean.

Why I Love this Time: The little arc he takes when running out of a room and turning to go at a 90 degree angle.